• WastingCommentSpace@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    6
    arrow-down
    11
    ·
    8 days ago

    (do people really get upset about this? Im asexual and cannot tell. Sometimes this kind of thing seems fake like why would you waste energy on this? But at the same time i am aromantic and asexual so i dont know. Im probably just weird or something and a “freak of nature” as some might say.)

    • withabeard@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      19
      ·
      8 days ago

      Remove the romance element from it.

      If the bottle spins, someone has to spend time in your company doing something you enjoy. You and your friends all agree. The bottle lands on you, and suddenly whatever it was you enjoy is not just “unenjoyable” but is actively repulsive to the other people. Ironically, I’d expect people to be repulsed by having to do half my hobbies, so this isn’t a perfect reframing.

      Apologies if I’m not being sensitive to your thought patterns. But there must be a way of reframing this that you can see why someone would be upset that their “friends” find them actively repulsive to even be around.

      • WastingCommentSpace@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        arrow-down
        4
        ·
        7 days ago

        (i really still dont get it. I dont see whats repulsive about it. But it is interesting. Like i guess its just weird to me. Like if you know there is a possibility of it landing on the one everyone is repulsed by, why play? Like mathematically youre better off playing when that person isnt around? Or is that just not really a concern until it eventually does happen?)

      • grrgyle@slrpnk.net
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        8 days ago

        I think you’ve got a good approach. I’m not fully allosexual myself, but it seems to me the most painful part of this would be the loss of esteem. To be excluded from anything so blatantly…

        People want to be liked. It means social safety, inclusion in a group. Sexuality is just one of its expressions.

          • grrgyle@slrpnk.net
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            2
            ·
            7 days ago

            Social stuff is hard for many people. I’d wager most people are not even consciously aware of social status, social transactions, etc. It’s not something that is really taught, so it’s no surprise when someone is blind to it.

            But if you ever feel bad because of what someone said or did, it’s possible you’re subconsciously reacting to a threat to your status (import and safety within a group).

            Why do you say you’re damaged?

      • WastingCommentSpace@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        7 days ago

        (yeah i had to think really far back but i feel like i got upset about things like this a lot when i was young. I just dont really fully remember it?)

    • dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      edit-2
      8 days ago

      do people really get upset about this?

      Yes. I’ll dive in, assuming that the greentext is real; the scenario is plausible enough.

      Romantic rejection is painful, as it’s based on an instinct to achieve a strong mutual bond with someone else. This may or may not be conflated with a drive to reproduce, depending on the level of sexual attraction involved. The sensation of loss here, can manifest in actual physical pain in one’s head and/or viscera, and is proportional to the level of “drive”. This also gets coupled with a sensation of loss as the reward for achieving that mutuality is a moment that is usually followed by intense pleasure (even without sex); suddenly realizing that reward isn’t coming, hurts.

      The second part, where the group continues without Anon, is similar but a different phenomenon. It’s rejection from the entire social group. Our instincts to be social creatures causes us to feel this as a loss (painful), because we’re safer and stronger in groups. Instinctively, the sensation will subside once Anon figures out how be confident with being alone, or (more likely) finds a more compatible social group.

      Attempting to introspect the above sensations without support can also go to bad places. Anon mentions his self-esteem - they are blaming themself since that’s a position of “control”, but ignoring the reality that this was all impossible to predict or avoid. In reality, the other partygoers are a bunch of insensitive assholes and carry 100% of the blame here. This person really needs to be around people with more empathy.

      Combined, Anon is in a world of physical and psychological pain. They were denied a potential romantic and/or sexual reward, and were rejected by the entire social group. Both forms of rejection provoke instinct and our reward centers in ways that just make a person miserable.