People give me their garbage hoodies. I take hoodies that are destined for the thrift store. They ask go on the back of my desk chair. I can’t lean back too far out the weight of them will topple me backwards. Yes I’m happy living this kind of hoodie goblin existence.

What you’ve committed is a class A felony, hoodie theft sans boning. Straight to jail.

If there was boning, the hoodie becomes a party favor that’s handed out to guests to commemorate the event.