• 3 Posts
  • 518 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
cake
Cake day: June 9th, 2023

help-circle

  • I think there’s a negative cycle also, where a male-dominated hobby where many people are not super socially skilled makes them more oblivious to some of the nuances that turn “explaining” into “mansplaining” (I.e. they are less likely to understand how their behaviour is making their hobby less welcoming for certain people), which makes the hobby more male dominated, both in appearance and actuality


  • I would really love to have a beard. I have joked that I am clearly wishing I were a dwarven woman, because besides this, I am very happy with my assigned gender at birth

    I also have a friend who, due to hormonal stuff, naturally grows an extremely thick and impressive beard and wishes that they didn’t have to shave it (if they don’t, they get hate crimed :( )






  • People in this thread have made good suggestions about how you can be a tad more honest while also keeping things brief and polite. I found this surprisingly effective in making me feel less hollow, but something that really helped me was having friends who I could be completely honest with when they asked how I was doing.

    You might not have friends like that. Certainly, I have found that when I’m tired and depressed is when I am most distant from would-be friends, and there have been times when I have effectively had to build up a support network from scratch (which is especially difficult when depressed). Or you may have friends who you hold at arm’s length because you don’t want to burden them with how you’re feeling. I may be projecting here, but when I have been depressed in the past, I end up feeling like I’m almost “infectious”, and I end up withdrawing. If you relate to this at all, try to resist the instinct to isolate. Try your best to put yourself in situations where you could meet people, such as if any hobbies you have had (or considered) have a social component to them. If you’re starting from nothing (which I’m assuming you are, given your aforementioned loneliness), a large chunk of forcing yourself to engage with things will feel like a chore, but in my experience, that’s the only way out (ideally paired with professional support, if available)

    “Anyone else here feel like that? If so, how do y’all cope?”

    My honest answer to that is either “I don’t know if I am coping”, or “solidarity”. My above response may sound like I’m relatively coping, but in many ways I’m not. The times when I feel like I’m most achieving what I need to in life are often the times I feel most exhausted. In a way, it would be nice if I could think of myself as struggling due to some innate brokenness, but there are so many people struggling in the same way we are that it’s abundantly clear that our material conditions are the problem. It’s depressing to see how many people feel the same as I do. But it doesn’t make me feel less alone, and that feeling is something I cling to. It’s something, at least.





  • (n.b. I got here after OP deleted their comment, so I don’t have the context of what you were replying to. This is just a reply to you)

    I felt a sad wistfulness upon reading your comment, because of how deeply I wish this were possible.

    I’m reminded of an exhausting dinner in which a friend and I were trying to explain to his Dad why doctors and the like don’t work for free. It took us a while to figure out what he was actually saying, but in the end, we understood him to be arguing roughly: “It sure would be nice if people could work for free, because things like the NHS and other social safety nets only exist if people feel a duty to society, or their community. It sucks that selfish motivations seem to be guiding people’s decisions instead, and this isn’t their fault, but a product of them having to struggle to fulfill their basic living needs under capitalism. Maybe if we had a comprehensive, universal basic income, we would see more people able to exercise their duty to society”.

    This memory sticks out to me because we spent most of that conversation exasperated and confused because it seemed like he was arguing that people should work for free, in the here and now. Your comment brings me back to that memory because I do believe that sufficiently robust social safety nets would lead to far more people doing work because they find it rewarding; I’m imagining a world where they still get paid, but the money is far less of a determining force in people’s decisions. It would be nice to be able to be an idealist like this, but we’re a long way off from that world



  • I know quite a few people who fit into that category, although I imagine they would take issue with how this meme characterises them.

    A widespread concern that I see is that paid peer review may make things worse via a perverse incentive. Consider, for example, paper mills, and the conditions that cause them to arise: Publish or Perish; poor pay in academic research; lack of stability of jobs in academic research (tenure Vs adjunct) etc… If we’re concerned about the quality of peer review, then it doesn’t seem unreasonable to be concerned that paying may exacerbate the problem.


  • “Follow makeup tutorials” is pretty vague, do you have more specifics on what you’re aiming for with that? Part of why I ask if because I know that I can find the functionally infinite array of tutorials overwhelming, and if I don’t have a clear goal, I’ll end up burning out.

    The other part of why I ask is because I’m curious about your style goals — what do you want to be able to do that you can’t currently do? Is this part of a larger endeavour to shape your style?