To keep it short: my ex-wife cheated on me with this guy, we divorced, she married him immediately after. Since January we’ve been co-parenting, she has our son (14 years old) for 2 weeks & I have him for 2 weeks. Her now husband is wealthy, and for the winter holidays they plan on going to the Maldives for 3 weeks (I agreed to give up 1 week of my 2 weeks; gonna get +1 week with son after the vacation). Apparently son has been asking his mom and stepdad if I can come as well. So ex-wife calls me and asks me if I’d like to go, all expenses paid by them, just to be with our son and have some fun - and let’s “put all the bad blood behind”. I told her I’ll think about it, but honestly I don’t think I’d feel comfortable. At the same time going would make son extremely happy obviously. Idk.
I only saw one other comment talking about your son, so I’ll chime in.
Make sure to hear your son’s voice. This is his way of trying to make a connection with you and maybe more. Hear him out and don’t reflexively respond. Spend time making sure he feels heard and loved. And whatever you decide, he’ll know that his connection with you is strong. I don’t know what level of processing you’ve done with him, but I can imagine it getting a little back burnered as you work through the betrayal and grief.
Agreed, great answer. As a fellow parent, I know that connection with your kid is far more important than whatever “dignity” you’ll “lose” from going on the trip.
He’s probably old enough (only you know, OP) for you to even talk about your discomfort with going, and to be open about your personal pros+cons of going. Who knows what he’ll say, but it sounds like a good conversation to have.
Having your kids watch you lose your dignity is not going to make a good relationship.
They are very attuned to that sort of thing. If they watch one parent allow and invite the other to trample on them the kids will also lose respect.
This!