Onion is supposed to be satire, most of this seemed like solid advice.

I’m a radical leftist who believes in forcibly castrating all men and sewing their penises onto newborn girls

This is what Republicans actually believe (or close enough)

Salad. Lol classic.

This my be my favorite onion article since Man Returns To Work after Vacation With fresh, Reenergized

I’m saving this in case I run into one of of his simps.