inb4 “Baby, don’t hurt me.”
But for real…what do people mean when they say “I love you,” or “Do you love them?” I’m really confused by this because love seems to have such a varying definition. People say love for all sorts of things, and it seems like everyone else understands which definition they’re using in the moment. Here are some examples in which each one has a different meaning:
- I love pancakes.
- I love my mother.
- I love my romantic partner.
- I love my best friend.
- I love my career.
- I love going to the beach.
- My dog loves me.
- That couple is in love.
- Where is the love?
Background: I recently saw an episode of a show (spoiler below) where there was an adolescent heterosexual couple. The girl had a female best friend that she kissed, and is now confused about what she wants. She told her boyfriend about it. The boyfriend then asked her, “Do you love her?” What is he asking? If love means attachment and care, then clearly she does because that’s her best friend. However, since that is so clear, he’s not asking that. What is he asking??
Another specification is when people ask “Do you love them, or are you in love with them?”
I am confused by this term and the whole concept in general. I think I could really use some clarification, examples, or how to know which definition someone is going with when they use it.
Name of show
The show is Atypical on Netflix.
Buddhism defines metta as loving kindness, which also requires understanding because if we don’t understand another person’s needs it’s difficult to be loving and kind towards them.
In the show, what the person was trying to say is, I am feeling insecure that you may be more attached to her than you are to me. I.e., I’m scared you’re going to leave me for her.
Which is what we generally mean by love in our culture. At least what we mean by romantic love. A sense of attachment to the other person.
This isn’t always a bad thing. I can be a little shy so when I am in public I tend to show a lot of attachment to my girlfriend, at least until I get comfortable in the space. But it can be a bad thing, if someone is so attached that they let it get in the way of treating their partner with kindness. Act manipulative or aggressive when the person pulls away, for example.