Years later, I looked at my wedding party of six groomsmen and realized that every single one of them had, like me, grown up in a small Ohio town before leaving for Ohio State. To a man, all of them had found that couches coud satisfy them more than a women ever could, and that books are really just zipped HTML, and nobody really checks PGP signatures.
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It’s crazy that people think JD Vance had sex with a couch. There’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch. It’s liberals that are perpetuating the idea that JD Vance had sex with a couch. JD Vance has specifically denied that he has had bare skin contact with a couch within a 5 year period. It’s ludicrous that JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after having intercourse with a KIVIK Sofa Chaise.
I’ll repeat, there is no evidence to believe JD Vance had sex with a couch. JD Vance is not a couchfucker.
Found JD Vance’s account, guys!
That’s not one of my alts?
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It’s crazy that people think JD Vance had sex with a couch. There’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch. It’s liberals that are perpetuating the idea that JD Vance had sex with a couch. JD Vance has specifically denied that he has had bare skin contact with a couch within a 5 year period. It’s ludicrous that JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after having intercourse with a KIVIK Sofa Chaise.
I’ll repeat, there is no evidence to believe JD Vance had sex with a couch. JD Vance is not a couchfucker.
Ok, but how can someone prove that Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance has not had sex with a couch? I think the only thing we can really take as conclusive evidence that JD Vance did not have sex with a couch is video of his entire life showing that there were no instances where JD Vance had sex with a couch. Does anyone else have any ideas to prove that JD Vance did not have sex with a couch, because I don’t think that JD Vance had sex with a couch, but there are rumors that JD Vance had sex with a couch.
JD Vance having had intercourse with a couch, be that as it may, doesn’t intrinsically mean it was IKEAs couch. Of course he likely didn’t have sex with any couch, however often, or other furniture perhaps. But it’s still important to distinguish the two situations. I’m glad to know JD Vance likely didn’t have sex with any. There is no evidence of course of intercourse from JD Vance, so we can’t say JD Vance has or would engage in intercourse to completion with a couch, nor should we.
A chaise lounger is not a true couch. He is a seat-fucker.
Some say his sexual awakening was with a three-legged stool.
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For some reason that article doesn’t link to it, but it is a real tweet he made in February (and didn’t even delete after being called out for the highlighted search terms in his screenshot).
I would like a link to the tweet in the screenshot, for purely educational purposes
(I mean, what the caption says happened would be illegal, so it can’t really be what happened, can it?)
Now let’s not be hasty. We don’t know he was searching for porn. All we know for sure is that the search query he typed in contained the words “woman” and “dolphin”. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to search those two words together, like, uhh…
Umm…
I don’t get it. So he did not fuck a couch? Did he just want to become a couch?
Reject women, return to couch.
He doesn’t want to fuck a couch or be fucked by a couch, he wants to be the couch doing the fucking
They call them couchies and they go to conventions in couchsuits
It says that “No, JD Vance Did Not Say He Had Sex with Couch Cushions” then it says FALSE. So he did fuck a couch. Thanks for clearing it up!
There was a fact check about this recently that actually had to be retracted.
He didn’t WRITE about having sex with a couch. There’s no way to factually disprove him having sex with a couch… There’s also no way to prove he did… but it’s impossible to be 100% certain that he’s never fucked a couch.
Reading the whole segment, I can’t help but notice his awareness of (at least the phrase) brain drain which is totally what is going to happen once, as according to project 2025 legions of career bureaucrats who run federal departments get replaced with Trump loyalists.
Curiously, a similar thing happened in the German Reich, since Hitler and his principal cabinet were rather aware that loyalty to Germany (even Thulian loyalty to Sacred Germany) might run perpendicular to loyalty to Hitler and NSDAP, which was a fundamental issue that informed the principles of the SS.
legions of career bureaucrats who run federal departments get replaced with Trump loyalists.
For many of those bureaucracies, this is absolutely foreseen and intentional.
See…while bureaucracies often get a bad rap for being slow and inefficient, there’s often simply no (superior) alternative. It’s like how everyone bitches that it takes so long to get from point A to point B on the interstate, but taking an alternate route that avoids it takes even longer.
And while they may be frustrating, they’re usually run by capable people in the federal government. The lazy federal workers that the civil service is known for do exist, but they don’t typically rise to the level of making their bureaucracy work or not work, they’re low to mid level functionaries who’ve found a niche where their team will carry them and pick up their slack without creating a department-sized blip on the radar of any high level official.
These P2025 people…and MAGA Republicans in general…are trying to set up a win-win for themselves with this tactic: either they replace bureaucrats with loyalists and turn it into a reward system they can use to shore up support…or they remove enough pieces of the Jenga tower that it collapses under its own weight, proving their accusations that these agencies are dysfunctional, and using it as a flashpoint to push to eliminate these agencies and privatize the functions they performed…both allowing them to turn that service into a profit source for friends while also freeing up those tax dollars for their own purposes. And in the process, the American taxpayer gets sold down river to an organization looking to charge as much as the market will bear for the services that were once funded through taxes. The people will still pay the taxes, of course… they’ll just get less in return for them and have to pay more of their wages to get the same or worse services.
“Books are really just zipped HTML” what the fuck is he talking about
The .epub file format, commonly used for distributing ebooks, is, like many file formats including .docx and .jar, actually a renamed .zip file full of HTML files. OP’s purpose in pointing this out, and that no one really checks PGP signatures (blocks of data used to cryptographically prove that a given file was created by a particular individual and has not been modified since), was to call attention to how easy .epub formatted ebooks are to edit and pass off as the original. If you know what I mean.
Shit, that went way over my head, here I was thinking Vance’s friends had really weird views around physical books and websites.
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It honestly sounds like an awkward way of saying they enjoy being a couch potato over sex. Tbf, being lazy is awesome, but that’s an inept way to say it.
ITT: not a single person who read a single sentence past the underlined one
Couchussy
I’m not sure if spelling could wrong makes this more or less believable.
Could wrong, could right
coud just ignore the fact that I also confused pgp with sha256
Nobody who went to The Ohio State calls it Ohio State
coud
A coud sorority.
Sleeping alone on a couch can easilly be as comfortable and enjoyable as sleeping with most others, segs or no. 0/10, not misinformation.
