Thank you for your

If only we had a time machine. We could go back to 1998 and assassinate Joe Meme before he ever invented the damn things. That’s what I would do. Oh and take care of baby Hitler.

This is common. I was a no-pet person until my wife convinced me to get a cat. That kitten did not care about my space. It was on my lap anytime it wanted and he was going to kiss my face or else. Its hard to push away something that loves you from the first moment.

How do I know he’s immortal? Well when he was 3 we lived in LA. My commute was 1.5 hrs each way with a stop in Downtown for my wife. I drove a Jeep wrangler, mostly in bumper to bumper traffic. Well one day he decided to follow me out the door and sneak into the engine compartment. I had no idea. Drove to work with the stop in between. Luckily I parked somewhere covered when I got to work and stayed at the office for lunch.

Later I left and picked up my wife and was almost home when I hear meowing. I thought some stray got in there while my car was parked at work. Instead of stopping on the side of the road and risking it running into traffic we went all the way home. Jump out of the jeep and open the hood to see Orion, poking his head up and panting but unharmed. He saw where he was and ran for the house. If anything happened that day I would have thought he vanished in thin air. Why do they have to toy with us like that :D

Apparently masterbating 34 times in a single day is one time too many

Boyfriend cuts her open. “It’s RAW!”

He guards the first gate and judges if you are worthy to pass.

To retire on a farm upstate, unless my mom lied to me 🤔

In the comics they are always stealing things from the news stand and stashing it there. It’s Superman’s 2nd greatest weakness.

I thought the deal I got on my KuKluxKlean was too good to be true!

I know a guy who can get the job

The 5th circuit includes Louisiana, Texas, and Mississippi so they can go fuck themselves. You think I’ll live by the opinion of some backwater states? Only a corrupt supreme court would uphold this ruling-ohhh fuckity fuck fuck!

I got spiders living in mine. Keeps the bugs out.

They look young until they turn 4000 then it’s downhill fast.

Every time I go to Taco Bell for Chicken Alfredo they tell me they don’t have any :(

Dumbest car design yet Elon. Congrats. Nothing says cab like a coupe design with gullwing doors.

Are you gay: 1 time

Find: USSR Replace with: Russia

Their #1 export is band logos I can’t decipher.

The text is phishing and not an actual poll like people have suggested.

I did have an actual pollster come to my door the other day. I forget the organization but it was a political pollster and not a neutral one. Parties do their own polling too. Never asked my name or personal contact info. Just basic demographics: age, salary, children, etc. Then it was just who am I voting for in the different races, what I thought about their policy (favorable/unfavorable).

Then the last question was what was my most important issue for this election. 20 years ago I would have said net neutrality or the war in Iraq. In my older age I am more concerned with services for lower income people. You used to be able to fail and still find work and catch up. Now it just takes losing a job at the wrong time or an injury and you can easily become homeless. There is not the buffer their used to be, finding a temporary room rental for $300/no or less doesn’t exist. So I told them “increase funding for low income services” and that guy looked confused and had to type it in. I would guess almost everyone is answering inflation, war, or border crossings. I was just thinking of something that could do a lot of good tomorrow with less money than the wealth of our richest person.