Its a mistaken desire to not have to actually work to live via turning hobbies into one’s job. The phrase “If you enjoy what you do you’ll never work again in your life” in application.

It doesn’t work.

Thanks! I sometimes end up a little verbose but its nice that my inclination to ramble about this stuff is appreciated!

There are groups I’m already a part of, they don’t meet that often though and in both groups I go to they’re kind of not fertile ground for dating. I probably just need to expand a bit but there is a mental barrier to going somewhere new and worrying about being the newbie. New habits are hard to form.

The situation at my work place is messy for a number of reasons. Its a very small non-profit and there is even some ambiguity over if one woman I’m into and whether she is a “boss” or just an assistant to the real boss. Obviously if she has any real authority trying to date her is a massive no no but its not explicitly clear. And I mean, that’s kind of frustrating just on the work side of things too if I’m honest.

Breaking it down, the ‘no’ comes basically from “Free will doesn’t exist so no one can justly be punished and violence just causes pain and a cycle of more violence”

The ‘yes’ comes from "We’re all dead one day anyway and it is intrinsically pleasurable to harm/kill people who have wronged me, my loved ones, or any innocent people. "

The latter is actually a more unethical embrace of pleasure.

On a broader scale though I’m against both the death penalty and revenge/vigilante killing, but I actually think the latter is comparatively less unethical in a vacuum. At least in the case of revenge/vigilante killing someone is getting something out of it.

We Millenials consumed Gen X made media and Gen Xer’s pop cultural was very “Its fun to be cruel to weaklings and weirdos, be against consumerist modern life dweebs, and swear in front of old ladies. We’re so punk.”

Gen X 90’s culture being all about being a renegade nihilistic slacker as a reaction to the 80’s culture which was a lot more colorful, consumerist, and earnest at an almost saccharine level, even when it was trying to “rebel”.

EDIT: To clarify, Millenials consumed edgelord stuff from Gen X, and homophobia was edgey.

The incompatibilitist consequentialist in me says no but the cathartic revenge hedonist in me says yes.

I suppose the underlying point by bringing up that I’m bi is that the implication isn’t that straight men struggle to have positive deep non-sexual relationships with women easily because they’re attracted to them. Not because they are women. Its likely straight men probably internalize misogyny from their experiences without proper self reflection. Not realizing that’s more that they just hate being “down bad” for people. Unfulfilled desire is miserable, I might be an atheist but the Buddhists have a half a point there.

As for your thoughts on my situation, I’m aware its fine that I’m attracted to them ethically. Talking to them less wont improve my mental health situation much though because its not precisely discomfort with the individual interaction that is the issue exactly, I just become dumber when I do.

Its more of a deep existential dread that comes with having to regularly see and interact with people I want to be intimate with very badly but knowing It’ll likely never happen and knowing I’ll never ever be able to convey those feelings honestly with people I see more than basically anyone else in my life. (Work basically takes up everyone’s life in the modern age) Like, if I keep my interactions long or brief doesn’t fundamentally matter. The rumination comes for me later regardless.

So a real tangent: I guess really the issue is that I need a third place with people I’m attracted to in it that I go to everyday but I haven’t the foggiest idea what that would even be in my situation. I have a long commute because I can’t afford to live closer to a population center, so bars are out of the question, so I just rot at home exhausted after work everyday in the middle of nowhere. I hate capitalism and living in the midwest so fucking much. I also despise mononormative culture.

I can have pleasant positive interactions without having to repress sexual thoughts with people I’m not attracted to easily. The problem is I’m bi and poly and I’m attracted to a lot of people and having to actively repress sexual thoughts is unpleasant and uses up constant brain power so I temporarily lose IQ points and some social skills.

My workplace is full of very attractive women in particular and I get along great with all of them but I also kind of want to die when I’m talking to them because I really don’t want try to start a relationship with a co-worker and they’re out of my league anyway but my god they’re good looking.

If this is a tactical move purely for selfish reasons, its not a good one considering the power Musk now wields. I think this is genuine from Gates. Saying it out loud maybe is a degree of performance, but I think he likely legitimately finds Musk’s fascist support a morally bad thing.

Assuming all billionaires are constantly playing some kind of 4D chess game is just as bad being overly charitable when a billionaire says or does something that could be seen as good. Remember, Elon Musk has put himself in the spotlight constantly despite it often times hurting him financially, his desire to be liked/beloved as a genius is also genuine its just fueling frequently terrible decisions.

That said, Gates is still an egotist and obviously pretty conventionally selfish (at what I’d describe as a pretty human level, if an average joe/jane came to have billions of dollars they’d probably treat the money in similar ways as Gates). Gates doesn’t deserve his wealth and Gates is no genius either, I just don’t think hes a fascist or a sociopath like Musk is.