This is better than cable, it’s like super cable or something.

Seeeeeeecrets

This will be the Trump response to Ukraine.

If you don’t concede to Russia’s peace demands we will pull out of NATO.

Europe will dry up like grandma’s sense of humor.

No drugs, just drogas.

Hell yeah, this might be the timeline where Best Korea fools everyone and takes over both Russia and Ukraine moves all their people there, and opens a chain of kimchi-focused fast-casual restaurant/DahnMuDo centers called Kim’s Ki Brain and Body Center.

Water is wet, UN Official Warns.

Stop teasing me Daddy Jong-un, get your dick out and let’s fuck already.

Good, widows and orphans over there in Gaza killing protesters, launching missiles, blowing up walkie-talkies and pagers. Not the Israeli government no sir, they are just defending themselves from the killers, these widows and orphans, I bet they are widows and orphans because they killed their husbands and parents.

Hell, an orphaned widow came to my house and shot my dad. True story, she came in yelled Admiral Akbar, and shot him dead. True story, trust me bro.

You guys are just 2047 dead American protesters away from getting a strongly worded letter, so you better stop it…or else…oh, by the way, since you used bullets to kill that American, we will send you some more. Wouldn’t want you guys running out.

They save those for high-profile athletes and celebrities lol

I’ll tell you what: I may have fucked my life up flatter than hammered shit, but I stand here before you today beholden to no human cocksucker

Lol that’s how you know it’s bots

These damn bots are out of control lol

“I’ve met Putin, what a guy, some say he’s the second-best guy. I don’t know, what I do know is I am the best guy. People say Mr. President you’re the best guy, no guys better just the best of the best they say. I told Poots, that’s what I call him Poots it’s like a pet name, he calls me cyka, which means friend in Russian because we are best friends some say the only true friends because we are such good friends. Anyway, he gets a bad rap poots, he just wants to stop the nazis and help Russians stuck in Ukraine by the criminal Biden crime family. Crooked Hillary won’t let Russia grow, they need to grow. Nazis, Hillarys, maybe even a few Obamas that’s Ukraine. Obama is trying to stop Russia, I said you can’t do that, they can’t do that. Let’s help Poots stop the crooked Clintons and bring back Taco Tuesdays, you remember Taco Tuesdays? On Tuesdays, before Obama outlawed it we used to have tacos. I had big Macs because I am not Mexican, not a fan of beans. Putin says nazis took his beans to Ukraine, I don’t know…maybe, some say it’s true. Smart people say it, they say Mr. President we need to leave Ukraine and let Russia have it so they can grow and stop Hillary from sending Hunter over there to steal their beans.” - Donald Trump

Is it 1999 all over again?

Right so, FSB instigated and facilitated IS to attack theater in Moscow in a Hail Mary to drum up support for Ukraine War escalation. Gotcha…well it worked in 1999 so why not lol

You are no longer in need of aid if you are dead.

“If you kill another 30,000 people we will be super mad and have some really big feelings about it.”

Just for shits and giggles, Germany should invade Kaliningrad Oblast to help save the German-speaking population that was so ruthlessly cut off from Germany after the end of WWII. They could change the name back to Königsberg and then give it to Poland as a gift for that whole Lebensraum thing and you know the other stuff that my crazy racist neighbor Mike says is fake history.

Then Poland in a show of friendship and solidarity could gift it to Lithuania and they could go back to calling it Lithuania Minor. I think this is a solid plan that benefits the oppressed German speakers and re-unifies this long-lost region to its ancestral homelands. Also, throw something in there about stopping nazi governments and child trafficking just to be safe.

“You picked the wrong sea to swim in hue man”

They could make the Palestinians wear yellow crescent moons with a little star next to them so they know who is who and can deradicalize them faster.