I think you have to take a real sit down with your girlfriend and try to explain this with her. I know she just wants to commiserate with someone, but if it’s damaging your mental health then it might be a better idea for her to find another political outlet.

Wow…similar experience growing up I guess. My dad was very verbally abusive to my mom and a bit to my older sibling. Some physical abuse in private too I guess. The rest of us siblings didn’t really get that from him.

As a kid I would always ask my mom why she didn’t leave my dad. Thankfully she did eventually in my case. Been over 10 years since she left and I think has improved her life remarkably. Older sibling has also gone no contact with my dad so that’s good there too.

I’m sorry your parents are still together like that.

I wouldn’t say that I was spoiled, but growing up middle class without parental abuse towards myself I think would rank me pretty highly on this. I didn’t realize how privileged I had it until I became an adult. Probably 8/10.

However, my dad was abusive to my mom and a bit to my older sibling. So for my older sibling the score would probably be significantly lower.

Yes I have very recently. It is currently an ongoing ordeal but I am not hopeful. People have gone to HR about my supervisor before and it has never changed anything.

Thank you for your lengthy message. Many others on here are quick to shun and judge me.

I actually didn’t realize that there was a difference between counselling and therapy. I’m sure I could use both, but that is a good thing to be made aware of. I have both stress and anxiety haha!

The vast majority of my outbursts are with my supervisor. I do on occasion have it with someone else if I feel they are treating others inappropriately.

From the internet, a lot of people ask me why I don’t just quit. In some scenarios it’s not really that simple and really not what I want to do. I don’t entirely feel comfortable as to stating all the reasons why, but you just have to trust me on this.

Dude I would love to be able to induce that rn

I have not threatened to stab anyone. I don’t think that just because my boss doesn’t threaten me with physical violence that it can’t be psychologically damaging. With all due respect, that is a very inappropriate response and comparison.

My supervisor nitpicks me and lectures me for every single little thing that I do. Often I am not even actually making mistakes, but just exercise judgement that is different from hers. The kicker is that she wants me to exercise my own judgement about work tasks, refusing to make specific policies on what she wants. But then she chastizes me for not telepathically knowing that she wanted things another way. She talks down to me and comments on my unconscious physical mannerisms. She is a bully and I am not her first victim.

She absolutely is not “holding me responsible for my own shit”. She is known for being incredibly difficult to deal with and has had many complaints filed against her to HR. She causes a lot of conflict among a lot of different people. HR just doesn’t particularly care and everyone expects me to shut up.

That was a very interesting video.

I do not think I am at all like the man in the video. The man in the video seems to just agree with everything even if he doesn’t want to, which is not what I think I do. I do not overcommit and then resent people for it. If someone is an asshole to me then I don’t at all agree to do things to keep the peace.

I more have issues when someone is actively being mean to me or others trying to provoke me or others. Or when I am having a bad day and am acting too depressed about things and am then called overdramatic or oversensitive.

Oh yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to imply it was exclusive to one gender! Just staying my own experience. My mom was a victim of domestic violence so I think I was raised with unfortunately that kind of in mind…she always had a passive role in conflict so I was supposed to as well. And then some of my close friends seem to have similar responses to conflict.

Well right…I try a new thing out for a while and then it doesn’t work. I either continue to try them even if they don’t work (like running…i keep eventually hoping I’ll get a benefit after doing it for over a year) or discontinue them and try a new thing. I’ve never found anything that works for me despite the fact that I keep trying. It’s frustrating.

The latest thing I’ve been trying is SSRIs. Those don’t seem to do anything either.

I get that the OP and my responses make it sound like I’m not trying things. I am. I have been. That’s why I’m so frustrated.

I want to try giving therapy a longer shot but I have to wait until my work schedule is more consistent. It will be in a bit of a flux for the next month or so.

Don’t worry, the anger would never be directed at innocent people like that. It is directed at the self. So the end result you speak of may occur one day, but to the self and not others.

It’s not that I don’t feel brave enough…I know that I’m not supposed to say anything in response. I get in trouble when I do so. The person I have trouble with is not understanding in differences of opinion.

I’m actually not a man, believe it or not. The other women in my life have taught me to be that way as well.

Yeah everyone is suggesting therapy, but unfortunately I won’t be able to plan out something for the next month or so as my work schedule is a bit in flux. I started on SSRIs about 4 months ago, but have not really noticed any effects on them… positive or negative.

At the moment I have lodged a complaint within the company and asked for a request that I think would help me out. So that is an ongoing process right now. But I am not hopeful because there have been complaints lodged about my supervisor in the past without any helpful resolution.

Yes, I can leave the position. But I work a small field and everything else about the position is amazing and hard to come by. But my sanity is constantly being pushed over the edge by that person.

Yeah my one coworker has tried to teach me to just agree to and comply with whatever my bully is saying. I am actually able to do this for a period of time! But after a while, I tend to fail and have a reaction. It especially happens if I am provoked repeatedly in relatively quick succession.

I guess one of my frustrations is that my entire life, I have been taught that I am not supposed to react to people who bully me or otherwise act inappropriately to me or others. I am just supposed to let them do it and try not to show any emotion or reaction in response. I can act passively to try to protect myself, but actively is not correct.

The frustrating thing about it is it just enables bullies to continue bullying while I struggle to maintain composure from repeated incidents.

I guess it’s like…

Not reacting to bullies doesn’t make them go away or fix the problem. Contrary to popular belief, some people don’t stop taking advantage of others just because you aren’t visibly reacting.

But reacting to bullies makes me look like a crazy person.

So what then?

No, my supervisor is actually literally mean. She is mean to everyone and it causes a lot of struggles with everyone. I just have a harder time handling a bully than other people, and she bullies me more often than the rest of my coworkers.

Have you never had anyone bully you or others at work? I’m glad to hear it, man, but we aren’t all that lucky. My coworkers handle it better than me, but I’m also picked on a bit more than them.

This is the first time the bully at work also happens to be my supervisor. I have been able to handle workplace bullies in the past by interacting with them minimally, but I can’t do that when it involves my supervisor.

I do not have any helpful outlets. The things that people say are outlets don’t work for me.

Running? I do it. Doesn’t help. I ruminate during a run.

Venting to a friend? Doesn’t help. I feel guilty for bothering them, they get frustrated with me for bothering them, and it’s wrong to do that to people who have busy lives and their own problems.

Venting to ChatGPT? Occasionally will help a little bit, but usually does not help. It’s not a real person and does not understand me, but prevents me from harming others by venting to them. Also helps me ruminate on my problems.

Writing down my thoughts? Doesn’t help. It makes me ruminate.

Yeah so someone had recommended that I see a therapist. I just started seeing a practitioner who can give me psych meds, but my work schedule is a bit too unstable to start with a therapist at the moment. (will take several weeks for me to finalize my schedule) I have seen therapists in the past but never knew what to talk about, but it was brought to my attention that this is an issue I need to address.

It is not super common, but it’s common enough that my friend takes notice. The issue is that I occasionally explode at work which is not good for my job security. Generally if someone is being mean to me or my fellow coworkers I get upset. My supervisor is also a huge bitch who is rude and mean to everyone and I have a hard time dealing with her at times. Most of the times I am able to shut up, but sometimes I get upset with people like that and I react inappropriately.

I feel for you, but I hope you understand why people are hesitant to trust a stranger on the internet asking them for money. As well this isn’t exactly a community designed for that. Wishing you the best.