Obligatory addendum that as a creation of Victor Frankenstein, calling the monster “a Frankenstein” is no more inaccurate than calling Starry Night “a Van Gogh,” or a 2003 Aztek “a Pontiac.”

And if, heaven forbid, it’s not either of those, it is now apparently acceptable to refer to it as a “clap back.” In the newspaper of all places.

Furthermore, as a creation of Victor Frankenstein, calling the monster “a Frankenstein” is no more inaccurate than calling Guernica “a Picasso,” or a 1996 Camry “a Toyota.”

“Alright, that’s it! It’s super-duper double-dog war times infinity, no backsies!”

“I’m no man either, motherfucker!”

whack

I’ve found the venn diagram of those who most frequently try to get me to watch videos on their phone, and the people who watch said videos in a third-party browser on a device that supports extensions, is just two distant circles. Your mileage may vary.

For me it’s more that youtube videos are a browser with an ad blocker activity.

I found The Terror fairly compelling. Two ships stuck in the Arctic, 150 cranky sailors, maybe a dozen that actually have lines, and one super fucked-up hellbeast trying to eat them.

The following is a tremendously disproportionate analogy given that we’re talking about a microblogging website, but I really don’t think there’s any better term for it:

It’s really less like you’re calling Twitter by its deadname and more like you’re refusing to call it by its slave name. Twitter didn’t come up with this on its own, some guy just rolled up and said “I’m changing your name because yours isn’t cool enough.” Like, fukken Kunta Kinte.

Again, very unfortunate that that’s the only comparison that comes to mind but I’m really blanking on anything else. Jean Valjean, I guess. Maybe Darth Vader. Locutus of Borg.

“Sike!”

At least we can rest easy knowing that concept art was eventually repurposed for the Nightsisters, and there’s no way anyone could ever sexualize a tribe of leather-clad magical goth lesbian amazons with spiky chain whips.

hey I’ll have you know I keep all my broken earbuds in the same box in the garage with all the other cables and assorted dongles I can no longer identify and will likely never use, like any responsible citizen should

and then you’d just replace them with one of the other three dozen you bought from Wal-Mart for five bucks back in 2016

Thank god, for a second there I thought they meant “cracking down on people dodging Windows 11 by intentionally disabling TPM,” like I’ve been doing. False alarm, carry on.

I know for a fact I’ve said I was going to “Xerox some copies” on a machine that was almost certainly not manufactured by the Xerox Holdings Corporation.

“Oh, this new post already has a comment, let’s check it out! … Dang it!”

That’s pretty much my gripe. One time I saw a post with maybe six, seven comments, opened it up, and they were all either the bot, or replies to the bot.

And even if you block the bot the post still shows up as having comments. So you’ll open up a post boasting the aforementioned six or seven comments expecting to find a lively debate, or at least a wisecrack about global affairs, and leave with a bunch of tumbleweeds and the lingering knowledge that somewhere, two or more people are arguing with a machine about whether or not it thinks the newspaper is any good.

“Now now, Batman, you should know that when a little pest like you dances with the Bug Zapper… He’d better be ready for a shock!”

“In order to adequately test our new carbon capture system, obviously, we had to dump a couple trillion more tons of carbon into the atmosphere. Which, yeah, granted, does make it all that much more upsetting that the system didn’t actually work.”

“And as we can see from this computer model of continental drift in the late Triassic era… AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, THE SUPERCONTINENT OF PANGAEA IS BROKEN IN HALF!”

“Security footage shows several ne’er-do-wells in domino masks fleeing the scene with a number of burlap sacks, clearly-marked with bright green dollar signs, no doubt containing the compromised data. AT&T security suggests the culprits must have ‘jimmied open’ their servers with a crowbar, or perhaps a bundle of dynamite detonated via plunger from a safe distance. One suspect is currently in police custody after attempting to escape through a tunnel painted on the side of a brick wall. More on this story as it develops.”