[Cueball sitting at computer.]
Cueball: I’ll just comment out these lines…

// MD_update(&m, buf, j);

// do_not_crash();

// prevent_911();

In the rush to clean up the debian-openssl fiasco, a number of other major security holes have been uncovered:

[A two-column table is shown:]

Affected System

Security problem

Fedora Core

Vulnerable to certain decoder rings

Xandros (EEE PC)

Gives root access if asked in a stern voice

Gentoo

Vulnerable to flattery

OLPC OS

Vulnerable to Jeff Goldblum’s PowerBook

Slackware

Gives root access if user says Elvish word for “friend”

Ubuntu

Turns out distro is actually just Windows Vista with a few custom themes