There are people like that. You hear about their new partners all the time and see them constantly looking for new partners. That’s not because poly is like that, but because these are the same people who would be serially monogamous if they wanted monogamy.
For me, monogamy just felt too restrictive. My wife and I both broke up with people who wanted monogamy not long before meeting and have always been poly. As a 22 year old I loved the idea of sex, but nearing 30 I love that I can have multiple happy and long term relationships. I love the fact that I could fall in love with someone new without risking losing my wife who I love dearly and cherish. And yeah I’ve been in two happy relationships for about 5 years now. And both my partners like each other and I like my girlfriend’s husband
I’m her girlfriend and her husband is quite happy with the situation. Just as she’s been when he’s had other partners. He actually set us up. The only reason he’s not seeing anyone else at the moment is that nobody else has really gotten his attention. Same reason my wife isn’t seeing anyone else at the moment. If my wife were to be interested in someone I’d encourage it, I love her and want her to pursue what her heart desires.
It’s annoying when monogamous people act like we’re all lying about experiencing compersion.
It’s annoying when monogamous people act like we’re all lying about experiencing compersion.
Man, do I feel this. Why is it so hard to believe that people can feel differently about things?
No, I’m not jealous and afraid my wife is going to leave me if she has sex with someone else. She isn’t when I do that, either.
We’ll eagerly discuss all the juicy details. She loves hearing about my adventures. She’s more shy, so I hear more about who she’d like to be with rather than actual adventures. We both giggle and discuss people we’d totally bang and there really actually isn’t an undercurrent of anxiety about it.
If I found someone that I started to fall in love with, isn’t that an awesome thing? Love is wonderful! And the sort of person that I could love would be someone that my wife would, at the very least, like. How does this not sound like a wonderful situation to people?
Monogamy doesn’t make sense to me, though I respect people’s right to feel the way they do. If they feel jealousy, that’s allowed. If they think it’s better to have jealousy, then I’m confused, but whatever.
It’s just weird that feeling differently gets such negative reactions and accusations of lying.
I am extremely happy whenever my partners find someone who can help make them as happy as I try to. I want my partners to have the happiest possible life ever and it’s unfair to everyone involved to stop them from being able to get that happiness.
I think something a lot of monogamous people forget when talking about poly is that jealousy is a pretty natural thing to happen… Even in polyamorous relationships.
I’ve felt jealous before in my situation, the difference is that I talked with my partners and found a good solution and set of boundaries that made everyone happy vs trying to control their time and life.
I said this in another comment but the most loved I’ve ever felt was when my fiancé helped me pick out my outfit for my first date with my bf (who I’m also to a year with!!). I also love helping them both with their relationship struggles and life issues and so on. I love them both tremendously.
Exactly! Like, I get that some people are very bad at polyamory and are total wrecks about it. Those people weren’t good at monogamy either. It’s easy for casual acquaintances to miss that I’m poly because it’s not causing problems in my life. I have far more romantic problems from my wife’s clinical depression (that she’s had her whole life) and my girlfriend’s abundance of children (also not related to her polyamory) than I do from jealousy or anything like that.
Fuck I’m the boring old married lady even next to some monogamous friends of mine. We don’t do the whole juicy talk thing, but we do get happy at the other’s happiness.
Growing up in the shroud of monogamy, there is something very freeing and beautiful when I talked to my gf about talking to someone seriously and saying I liked them and wanted to date them. Her encouraging me and celebrating and smiling with me when we both finally had the courage to tell each other our feelings. Helpfully nudged by my boyfriend who clearly noticed we were falling for each other.
I have a lot of love to give, I cherish all of my partners. They are my closest friends and supporters and I welcome the diversity of my desires and needs.
It can be really hard to deal with too, having multiple relationships is something you really really need to work with and takes a lot of attention and care to do it right.
That’s totally fair, but also I think a lot of people need to accept that they don’t need to get something to respect it or believe people expressing it. Look at the comments in this thread, there’s polyamorous people explaining our feelings and reasoning next to people asserting that they think it’s just a fetish.
There are people like that. You hear about their new partners all the time and see them constantly looking for new partners. That’s not because poly is like that, but because these are the same people who would be serially monogamous if they wanted monogamy.
For me, monogamy just felt too restrictive. My wife and I both broke up with people who wanted monogamy not long before meeting and have always been poly. As a 22 year old I loved the idea of sex, but nearing 30 I love that I can have multiple happy and long term relationships. I love the fact that I could fall in love with someone new without risking losing my wife who I love dearly and cherish. And yeah I’ve been in two happy relationships for about 5 years now. And both my partners like each other and I like my girlfriend’s husband
Well at least you’re the girlfriend’s boyfriend, not her husband, lol.
I’m her girlfriend and her husband is quite happy with the situation. Just as she’s been when he’s had other partners. He actually set us up. The only reason he’s not seeing anyone else at the moment is that nobody else has really gotten his attention. Same reason my wife isn’t seeing anyone else at the moment. If my wife were to be interested in someone I’d encourage it, I love her and want her to pursue what her heart desires.
It’s annoying when monogamous people act like we’re all lying about experiencing compersion.
Man, do I feel this. Why is it so hard to believe that people can feel differently about things?
No, I’m not jealous and afraid my wife is going to leave me if she has sex with someone else. She isn’t when I do that, either.
We’ll eagerly discuss all the juicy details. She loves hearing about my adventures. She’s more shy, so I hear more about who she’d like to be with rather than actual adventures. We both giggle and discuss people we’d totally bang and there really actually isn’t an undercurrent of anxiety about it.
If I found someone that I started to fall in love with, isn’t that an awesome thing? Love is wonderful! And the sort of person that I could love would be someone that my wife would, at the very least, like. How does this not sound like a wonderful situation to people?
Monogamy doesn’t make sense to me, though I respect people’s right to feel the way they do. If they feel jealousy, that’s allowed. If they think it’s better to have jealousy, then I’m confused, but whatever.
It’s just weird that feeling differently gets such negative reactions and accusations of lying.
Everything you said here was so good honestly.
I am extremely happy whenever my partners find someone who can help make them as happy as I try to. I want my partners to have the happiest possible life ever and it’s unfair to everyone involved to stop them from being able to get that happiness.
I think something a lot of monogamous people forget when talking about poly is that jealousy is a pretty natural thing to happen… Even in polyamorous relationships.
I’ve felt jealous before in my situation, the difference is that I talked with my partners and found a good solution and set of boundaries that made everyone happy vs trying to control their time and life.
I said this in another comment but the most loved I’ve ever felt was when my fiancé helped me pick out my outfit for my first date with my bf (who I’m also to a year with!!). I also love helping them both with their relationship struggles and life issues and so on. I love them both tremendously.
Exactly! Like, I get that some people are very bad at polyamory and are total wrecks about it. Those people weren’t good at monogamy either. It’s easy for casual acquaintances to miss that I’m poly because it’s not causing problems in my life. I have far more romantic problems from my wife’s clinical depression (that she’s had her whole life) and my girlfriend’s abundance of children (also not related to her polyamory) than I do from jealousy or anything like that.
Fuck I’m the boring old married lady even next to some monogamous friends of mine. We don’t do the whole juicy talk thing, but we do get happy at the other’s happiness.
Growing up in the shroud of monogamy, there is something very freeing and beautiful when I talked to my gf about talking to someone seriously and saying I liked them and wanted to date them. Her encouraging me and celebrating and smiling with me when we both finally had the courage to tell each other our feelings. Helpfully nudged by my boyfriend who clearly noticed we were falling for each other.
I have a lot of love to give, I cherish all of my partners. They are my closest friends and supporters and I welcome the diversity of my desires and needs.
It can be really hard to deal with too, having multiple relationships is something you really really need to work with and takes a lot of attention and care to do it right.
I feel like compersion is one of those things people can’t really “get” until they experience it themselves
That’s totally fair, but also I think a lot of people need to accept that they don’t need to get something to respect it or believe people expressing it. Look at the comments in this thread, there’s polyamorous people explaining our feelings and reasoning next to people asserting that they think it’s just a fetish.
Bigot