Our entire lives we watch pretty people on TV being pretty, that’s the most influential standard for “pretty” we have, and still sometimes the script calls for one of them to be labelled as “ugly” and to be ridiculed or rejected from the “cool ones” because of it. Think of all those beautiful acresses cast as nerdy characters who’s hair was put into a ponytail, who got given glasses and a singular fake pimple (of even) and everyone pretended like they were some epitome of unattractiveness
obviously TV didn’t make this problem, but it sure as hell made it worse.
you don’t want to be ugly, because the ugly ones don’t fit in, the ugly ones don’t eat with us, the ugly ones are poor and smelly, so you don’t want to be seen as ugly, do you?
I have scars / bumps on my legs that I am self conscious about. I wanted to wear a dress to a party in mid summer. Two months of extreme effort to moisturize and not scratch and I thought they looked pretty darn good … For me at least. My niece asked why I had polka dots on my legs within two minutes of greeting me. Kids just be spittin’ truth. So I cover my legs.
Who cares? I know you do, but don’t, nobody else is going to look at your legs and think anything other than it’s a set of legs. Be comfortable in your own skin, it’s yours and if anyone has a problem with it, you know they’re just a tiny hateful piece of shit that’s jealous of you.
Agree. I know it’s hard, but the best thing you can do is respond “that’s just the way my body is!” It will make her more confident with her natural flaws seeing someone she loves being confident with theirs.
It’s like a defense mechanism for me. Imagine you are always an outsider and you see that people who are insiders get treated super badly at some point just for not looking “perfect”. You start to be cautious about what you wear and how you look, because you need all the tricks you can get to finally fit in. You want friends to, maybe even find love. Everything social in your life might depend on it and who are you to doom yourself. What, you still haven’t done it? Look how easy all of them do it, but you are still just trying? Well it can’t be everyone else can it? There must be something more, maybe you’re not trying hard enough. Maybe you are just too dumb to really try, maybe your stupid body is just too misshapen to get comfortable. Maybe it’s you. You are the problem.
Anyway, there’s some context. Oh and also if you throw body dysmorphia in the mix the thoughts sound even more crazy.
Oh also for anyone wondering, I don’t have it as much so don’t worry about me, but I have this just a little bit so I can at least feel how other people hone in on this stuff.
I can’t speak to everyone, but for a lot of women my age, it’s because we grew up being bombarded with images of objectively thin women and being told that they were fat. You couldn’t go to the grocery store without seeing magazines talking about celebrities with cellulite and the tone was always, “can you believe she went out like that?” I remember Jessica Simpson wearing this outfit and being called awful names for how “big” she looked. It’s hard to get past literal decades of that shit.
The pants were hideous, but she was a size 4 in that picture. People called her fat when she was a size 2, though, because she wasn’t as bone-thin as Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.
Okay but if you think your body and heart is strong and capable then why give a fuck what some worm who works a dead end job for a Gossip Magazine might hypothetically think? Like, I don’t deny the culture you described exists, but you’re your own person with full control of your actions. The people, who might shame you, should be seen as weak and foolish for doing so. Laugh at them. Be comfortable in your skin. No one else can be you. You’re the one. Being the best you does not mean being the idol envisioned by others.
No offense, but that’s some real thanksimcured material. If people could just say they’re not going to care about the opinions of others and have that switch actually flip, society would need like, 50% fewer therapists, but it doesn’t work like that.
I can see where you’re coming from, but this is the start - identifying that it’s foolish to care about what other people think about your body, especially people you don’t know or care about. Do you think you look good in that outfit? Then why care what the people at the store / party / etc. think?
You can choose to work on improving your body through diet and fitness, but do it for yourself - If you do it for others, you will never be happy because there’s always someone out there who will tear you down, who is prettier, you will likely always have a bit of cellulite, flaws, etc.
I don’t want to make it sound like it’s easy (it’s not), but you have to start somewhere, and a mindset change is a good place to start.
You say that disregarding people’s opinions isn’t so easy while disregarding my opinion, so there you go. My comment is somehow more silly to you than fear of the guy who called Jessica Simpson fat?
For me it’s the result of lasting trauma from when I was bullied as a child for wearing “short shorts”. Not that I had a choice in the matter because my mom was buying all my clothes at the time and wasn’t about to replace a bunch of perfectly good (in her opinion) shorts. My only recourse was to just wear jeans all the time from then on until I was able to buy my own clothes but by then I was more comfortable in jeans all the time.
I really never understand any amount of shame of one’s own body. Like I understand tons and tons of people feel it but I don’t understand why.
I think it boils down to a fear of rejection.
Our entire lives we watch pretty people on TV being pretty, that’s the most influential standard for “pretty” we have, and still sometimes the script calls for one of them to be labelled as “ugly” and to be ridiculed or rejected from the “cool ones” because of it. Think of all those beautiful acresses cast as nerdy characters who’s hair was put into a ponytail, who got given glasses and a singular fake pimple (of even) and everyone pretended like they were some epitome of unattractiveness
obviously TV didn’t make this problem, but it sure as hell made it worse.
you don’t want to be ugly, because the ugly ones don’t fit in, the ugly ones don’t eat with us, the ugly ones are poor and smelly, so you don’t want to be seen as ugly, do you?
I have scars / bumps on my legs that I am self conscious about. I wanted to wear a dress to a party in mid summer. Two months of extreme effort to moisturize and not scratch and I thought they looked pretty darn good … For me at least. My niece asked why I had polka dots on my legs within two minutes of greeting me. Kids just be spittin’ truth. So I cover my legs.
Who cares? I know you do, but don’t, nobody else is going to look at your legs and think anything other than it’s a set of legs. Be comfortable in your own skin, it’s yours and if anyone has a problem with it, you know they’re just a tiny hateful piece of shit that’s jealous of you.
Agree. I know it’s hard, but the best thing you can do is respond “that’s just the way my body is!” It will make her more confident with her natural flaws seeing someone she loves being confident with theirs.
It’s like a defense mechanism for me. Imagine you are always an outsider and you see that people who are insiders get treated super badly at some point just for not looking “perfect”. You start to be cautious about what you wear and how you look, because you need all the tricks you can get to finally fit in. You want friends to, maybe even find love. Everything social in your life might depend on it and who are you to doom yourself. What, you still haven’t done it? Look how easy all of them do it, but you are still just trying? Well it can’t be everyone else can it? There must be something more, maybe you’re not trying hard enough. Maybe you are just too dumb to really try, maybe your stupid body is just too misshapen to get comfortable. Maybe it’s you. You are the problem.
Anyway, there’s some context. Oh and also if you throw body dysmorphia in the mix the thoughts sound even more crazy.
Oh also for anyone wondering, I don’t have it as much so don’t worry about me, but I have this just a little bit so I can at least feel how other people hone in on this stuff.
So it’s not a fear of being judged but rather a fear of consequence for not adhering to a standard?
I can’t speak to everyone, but for a lot of women my age, it’s because we grew up being bombarded with images of objectively thin women and being told that they were fat. You couldn’t go to the grocery store without seeing magazines talking about celebrities with cellulite and the tone was always, “can you believe she went out like that?” I remember Jessica Simpson wearing this outfit and being called awful names for how “big” she looked. It’s hard to get past literal decades of that shit.
She may not be as slim as in her early career, but she still looks great. However, those pants are doing some serious work!
The pants were hideous, but she was a size 4 in that picture. People called her fat when she was a size 2, though, because she wasn’t as bone-thin as Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.
People are fucking stupid.
Okay but if you think your body and heart is strong and capable then why give a fuck what some worm who works a dead end job for a Gossip Magazine might hypothetically think? Like, I don’t deny the culture you described exists, but you’re your own person with full control of your actions. The people, who might shame you, should be seen as weak and foolish for doing so. Laugh at them. Be comfortable in your skin. No one else can be you. You’re the one. Being the best you does not mean being the idol envisioned by others.
No offense, but that’s some real thanksimcured material. If people could just say they’re not going to care about the opinions of others and have that switch actually flip, society would need like, 50% fewer therapists, but it doesn’t work like that.
I can see where you’re coming from, but this is the start - identifying that it’s foolish to care about what other people think about your body, especially people you don’t know or care about. Do you think you look good in that outfit? Then why care what the people at the store / party / etc. think?
You can choose to work on improving your body through diet and fitness, but do it for yourself - If you do it for others, you will never be happy because there’s always someone out there who will tear you down, who is prettier, you will likely always have a bit of cellulite, flaws, etc.
I don’t want to make it sound like it’s easy (it’s not), but you have to start somewhere, and a mindset change is a good place to start.
You say that disregarding people’s opinions isn’t so easy while disregarding my opinion, so there you go. My comment is somehow more silly to you than fear of the guy who called Jessica Simpson fat?
For me it’s the result of lasting trauma from when I was bullied as a child for wearing “short shorts”. Not that I had a choice in the matter because my mom was buying all my clothes at the time and wasn’t about to replace a bunch of perfectly good (in her opinion) shorts. My only recourse was to just wear jeans all the time from then on until I was able to buy my own clothes but by then I was more comfortable in jeans all the time.
Gender dysphoria
Some shorts might be gendered but I think in a general sense they’re absolutely not.
It’s not the shorts, it’s the legs.
I don’t even think thigh and below can even be differentiated between genders, can they? Just throw some kneesocks on.
Im just out of shape dude. Mind you I can still break someone over my knee, but having a guts a bit uncomfortable both physically and emotionally.