I want to start by saying this is an attempt at an explanation not just for you, but anyone who stumbles upon this thread, and is not making any assumptions of anyone’s character.
The answer to why it’s offensive or gross is twofold.
First is that using it as a noun like saying “I went on a date with a female” sounds clinical or sterile. Female as a noun is mostly used in science and medicine, and women don’t want to feel like test subjects. They get objectified enough as it is. Is it technically incorrect? No. But it feels that way to the person being called it.
Which leads to the second, more important reason. They’ve asked. Again, to emphasize the importance: They’ve asked. In general (yes there are exceptions), women have asked people to stop referring to them as females (the noun), and if you respect people, then you call them what they ask. You hopefully don’t call Asians Orientals anymore. And when your friend Stephen says he goes by Steve, hopefully you say Steve the majority of the time. Or if Richard really hates being called Dick, then hopefully you don’t call him Dick. Language is fluid and cultural, and if you want to get along with people (Asians, Steve, Richard, women) then you should learn to use language their way.
I think that is really the more important reason, because it’s totally fair if you don’t understand why someone else finds something offensive. Everyone has had different life experiences and not everything offends everyone. But when a large swath of society says they find it offensive and you continue to do so, then you are being offensive regardless of whether or not you understand why. And in the end, if you choose to continue to be offensive just because you don’t buy the reasoning, then you shouldn’t be surprised when you get bad reactions and find it hard to bond.
Tips for a better life: Call people what they want to be called. Be nice for no reason. If in doubt, ask for advice from someone who doesn’t look like you.
“Female as a noun is mostly used in science and medicine, and women don’t want to feel like test subjects.”
I was told not to do this in science courses, mostly because it’s not correct rather than notions of creepiness. It applied to any adjective but male and female were called out specifically. This was decades before “woke” was a thing.
I think it’s not really used in the sciences, it’s used by people who want to sound scientific but aren’t.
That’s interesting. In my science classes, and several others past level 12, instructors did and returning for CE, still do use fe/male. I’m wondering if this is regional, because a. there are plenty of military bases in my state and surrounding, b. plenty of medical university hospitals, c. plenty of elderly. What I’m getting at is people get into a habit of speaking a certain way at work, and it does spill over into everyday speech, unconsciously, especially when others speak similarly, and if they don’t, seldom raise an eyebrow, let alone a fuss.
Ok, though I have never heard anyone say that without joking, change that " I went on a date with a male". Offensive? “I went on a date with a dude” Offensive? I don’t think so. Similarly everyone gets objectified, that’s part of being a human unfortunately since everyone uses everyone else as objects.
Asking to stop isn’t a point, I can ask you to stop breathing does that obligate your breathing to be offensive? No, it simply means you feel that way. We don’t call asians oriental anymore because it’s not accurate and comes from a time when the average person if they met an Asian person they had probably met a Chinese person. Fun example being Indians, they’ve asked routinely not to be called that and guess what? They keep getting called Indians. Offensive? No, hilarious because all it points out is white European hubris. Similarly, what Steven wants to be called is irrelevant, what they respond to is if you get my point.
As the supreme court famously said, “one man’s vulgarity is another man’s lyric.” I can’t determine what is going to offend you because there is such a crazy weird amount of shit to be offended about, an accurate title that just makes you feel weird is not something worth worrying about. I avoid it anyway because I don’t like to hear people’s word virtue signaling rants when I don’t.
It’s not not-nice to call a female a female, it might make you feel weird but that’s a you issue not an anyone else issue.
I want to start by saying this is an attempt at an explanation not just for you, but anyone who stumbles upon this thread, and is not making any assumptions of anyone’s character.
The answer to why it’s offensive or gross is twofold.
First is that using it as a noun like saying “I went on a date with a female” sounds clinical or sterile. Female as a noun is mostly used in science and medicine, and women don’t want to feel like test subjects. They get objectified enough as it is. Is it technically incorrect? No. But it feels that way to the person being called it.
Which leads to the second, more important reason. They’ve asked. Again, to emphasize the importance: They’ve asked. In general (yes there are exceptions), women have asked people to stop referring to them as females (the noun), and if you respect people, then you call them what they ask. You hopefully don’t call Asians Orientals anymore. And when your friend Stephen says he goes by Steve, hopefully you say Steve the majority of the time. Or if Richard really hates being called Dick, then hopefully you don’t call him Dick. Language is fluid and cultural, and if you want to get along with people (Asians, Steve, Richard, women) then you should learn to use language their way.
I think that is really the more important reason, because it’s totally fair if you don’t understand why someone else finds something offensive. Everyone has had different life experiences and not everything offends everyone. But when a large swath of society says they find it offensive and you continue to do so, then you are being offensive regardless of whether or not you understand why. And in the end, if you choose to continue to be offensive just because you don’t buy the reasoning, then you shouldn’t be surprised when you get bad reactions and find it hard to bond.
Tips for a better life: Call people what they want to be called. Be nice for no reason. If in doubt, ask for advice from someone who doesn’t look like you.
Hope this makes at least some sense.
“Female as a noun is mostly used in science and medicine, and women don’t want to feel like test subjects.”
I was told not to do this in science courses, mostly because it’s not correct rather than notions of creepiness. It applied to any adjective but male and female were called out specifically. This was decades before “woke” was a thing.
I think it’s not really used in the sciences, it’s used by people who want to sound scientific but aren’t.
That’s interesting. In my science classes, and several others past level 12, instructors did and returning for CE, still do use fe/male. I’m wondering if this is regional, because a. there are plenty of military bases in my state and surrounding, b. plenty of medical university hospitals, c. plenty of elderly. What I’m getting at is people get into a habit of speaking a certain way at work, and it does spill over into everyday speech, unconsciously, especially when others speak similarly, and if they don’t, seldom raise an eyebrow, let alone a fuss.
Gotcha.
I don’t think it’s either.
Ok, though I have never heard anyone say that without joking, change that " I went on a date with a male". Offensive? “I went on a date with a dude” Offensive? I don’t think so. Similarly everyone gets objectified, that’s part of being a human unfortunately since everyone uses everyone else as objects.
Asking to stop isn’t a point, I can ask you to stop breathing does that obligate your breathing to be offensive? No, it simply means you feel that way. We don’t call asians oriental anymore because it’s not accurate and comes from a time when the average person if they met an Asian person they had probably met a Chinese person. Fun example being Indians, they’ve asked routinely not to be called that and guess what? They keep getting called Indians. Offensive? No, hilarious because all it points out is white European hubris. Similarly, what Steven wants to be called is irrelevant, what they respond to is if you get my point.
As the supreme court famously said, “one man’s vulgarity is another man’s lyric.” I can’t determine what is going to offend you because there is such a crazy weird amount of shit to be offended about, an accurate title that just makes you feel weird is not something worth worrying about. I avoid it anyway because I don’t like to hear people’s word virtue signaling rants when I don’t.
It’s not not-nice to call a female a female, it might make you feel weird but that’s a you issue not an anyone else issue.