“Okay, Judas Iscariot. I have a grand universal plan to eradicate original sin from the mortal plane. You have an extremely critical role in all of this: you must betray Jesus Christ, leading to his arrest, conviction and inevitable crucifixion.”

“Sure thing, God. What do I get in return?”

“As thanks for carrying out my plan exactly as I laid it out, you get several pieces of silver.”

"Oh and a sweet deal in the afterlife, right?

…

…

…

And a sweet deal in the afterlife… Right?"

The current head of Toilet Paper USA is a woman. J.D. Vance’s demon spawn just needs to develop some complications in utero and the prophecy will be realized.

I’m at my happiest when I’m making a video like putting a strawberry in my butt and pushing it out

Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life

“But I’m straight”

“So is spaghetti… Until it gets wet.”

“Okay but that’s a bad analogy because I just turn ten stories tall when I get wet.”

But that would mean the bible is a lie. Surely a book that starts with a creation story, only for its second chapter to be a different creation story, and has 4 separate and often conflicting accounts of a Jewish, immigrant, hippy, socialist’s life could not contain a LIE!

He had a minor role in Home Alone 2, then I think he spent a bunch of time visiting some other putz’s private island.

My life now but just enough more money to feel secure and also I’d be a girl

The Dope Fiend Lean

I like the part where they figured out the previously undiscovered secret in the race was to drive backwards. I tried that shit in Mario Kart when I was 8, you’re telling me NOBODY had tried it in that game before?

It’s definitely incel erotica. Saw a video once demonstrating that Reacher never actually needs to initiate anything with a woman, show any interest whatsoever, flirt, etc. He just sorta exists in proximity to women and they just sort of “give” him the sex that they apparently owe him for being the main character.

I love that, despite being a comedy, they actually address problems that 99% of apocalypse media ignores such as gasoline going bad, reactors melting down, etc.

Especially if it’s using that annoyingly upbeat robot voice.

I don’t want any of those things

If you pay me $1,000,000 I will consume an entire pineapple, skin and all. This is my final offer.

“Henceforth no citizen shall enjoy any rights unless they are capable of defeating the self-appointed arbiter of personhood in a debate. But be warned, he will only ever argue in bad faith, has unmatched endurance when it comes to moving goalposts, and if he senses an impending defeat he will simply rattle off a haphazard list of logical fallacies before declaring himself the victor and storming off. Also he will only accept challenges from those who have yet to earn a high school diploma.”

You’ve already admitted that you have absolutely no plan for the consequences of your action. At best you’d doom us to a decades-long civil war like the Troubles in Ireland, at worst you’d doom us to live under an authoritarian regime led by an ultra violent strongman. Neither of those scenarios guarantee or even improve our odds of reaching solutions to the problems you’re trying to murder your way out of.

Your entire plan boils down to “kill a bunch of people now and we’ll maybe figure out how to deal with the fallout along the way” and yet it’s somehow everyone else who can’t see the forest past the trees.

To be clear, when you say people who have a conscience you’re talking about people who would slaughter those whose politics you personally, as judge jury and executioner, have deemed unacceptable?

You’re absolutely deranged, my guy.

If Pam won’t be coming to the bus for any reason, she now leaves a sign informing you and you can drive yourself to the desert.

Praise be

When everyone you talk to is an asshole, you’re most likely the asshole. Your post and comment history is absolutely littered with violent rhetoric and you have a bad habit of angrily lashing out at anyone who disagrees with you, often resorting to childish name calling rather than engaging in meaningful conversation. It shows a complete inability to have a discussion outside of an echo chamber of your own personal view, which are squarely in an extreme end of the spectrum.

Perhaps the reason you can’t find a place where you can have a pragmatic discussion is because you yourself are incapable of having such a discussion, not that such places don’t exist. It’s like the old saying goes, “wherever you go, there you are.”

Please let this be a normal field trip!