I like to imagine the last one is the koala developing a smooth brain so it use less calories so it can continue eating leaf.
Human: I want to drink alcohol
I will make you sick and turn you into an unlikable blob.
You don’t understand how funny i am when i’m drunk.
You pissed yourself the other night.
I’m sooooo funny i swear
I’ll have to know I have no memory of pissing myself so you can’t prove that happened.
Who the hell shit my pants?
Sorry. That was me
See, the thing that has got it all fucked up now is mobile phones.
Soooo glad the worst of my antics were before everyone had a Livestream capable camcorder in their pocket.
I think that’s a bad example because alcohol develops when sugar is half digested by microorganisms. Not sure about the details but alcohol isn’t “actively” added to fruits by the plant. The plant wants you to eat the fruit and shit the stone into the woods. Alcohol is a byproduct nobody intended.
Better examples are caffeine, hotness in chili, …
ok :)
Human: I eat bad fruit
yeast n shit in the fruit: nooo what are you doing we’re already eating this!
Human: taste bad!
Yeast n shit: Ya bro that is like literally our shit n waste
Human: ooh i feel funny n good!
Yeast n shit: are you listening to me?
Human: haha fun! grabs another rotten peach
Yeast:…
Human: this yeast shit is so good we should put yeast in our grape juice, potatoes, barbecue sauce and boil all the water out of it
Government: oh no you don’t, not unless you pay us money to do that
Human: but I’m not selling it
Government: M O N E Y!
The plant wants you to eat the fruit and shit the stone into the woods. Alcohol is a byproduct nobody intended.
Can’t remember exactly what tree it is, but there’s a rainforest tree that’s almost entirely pollinated by drunk little monkeys. The monkeys are specifically attracted to the pollen with the highest alcohol content.
Wasn’t that a hoax of some doku tv?
What’s the apparent evolutionary purpose for developing caffeine?
A really bitter tasting pesticide essentially.
Us mammals coming along recently has changed some things.
Or hot peppers…
Peppers: Mammals no eat, only birds!
Humans: Hold my rotten peach, I’ma set my tongue on fire lolz
Roasty caffeine 😁. Mmmmmm…
Same as nicotine. It keeps insects away
Iirc it slows down a type of caterpillars who eat the leaves and makes them smell yummier to predators but i don’t remember where i saw it
That’s a good question tbh. If I remember correctly, the effects on other animals (was it insects?) is very different from ours.
It’s toxic to insects, so it’s a natural pesticide iirc
I want crack.
Kola also archives this with Leaf
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Which is one of many many examples to succinctly prove that there’s no intelligent design behind life on Earth.
But modern banana so genetically engineered by humans that it fits perfectly in our hand now!!! 🍌 🦧
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Wait till you know of peaches. Link
I remember years ago back when I was an atheist, I read someone on Reddit or somewhere saying the fact humans get sleepy after sex is proof of evolution. They said it proves evolution because humans go to sleep when their job is done, which is to reproduce. Now, at the time I was an atheist, and of course I still 100% believe in evolution today, but that random person’s comment stuck with me for years.
See, the idea that people go to sleep after sex because their job is done makes for a good story. I don’t know if it’s true, but it sounds good. Thing is, the good story isn’t exclusive to evolution. Bible says Elohim told humans to go forth and be fruitful. So if Elohim had created humans, he would have made humans sleepy after sex too. Obviously.
This random guy on the internet whose comment I read years ago, he saw a piece of evidence that made a good story for his views, and he didn’t actually check whether it was evidence against the opponent’s views. I think he just assumed that the two models had to be opposed in every single way and any evidence for his views was evidence against the opposite. He was basically the same as the banana guy.
You know the banana guy? "Bananas are proof of Deus because they’re perfect for eating ". Guy didn’t do his research and didn’t realise humans made bananas the way they are. He found a good story and didn’t check if it was also a good story for the other guys. Same as the sleepy sex guy.
You gotta be able to see the other side’s viewpoint enough to check whether your evidence can be explained by their views, or if you’re just embarassing yourself. That’s the bare minimum of understanding other people’s views. Without it, you end up like the banana guy.
I bet if you replied to that guy and laid it all out, he’d accuse you of being a Jebus loving fundie.
Yeah, I bet. The internet hates nuance, it hates when someone corrects their “own side” or seeks a truth independent of sides. I got banned 6 months ago from Hexbear for saying there’s such a thing as gender neutral pronouns. There was a lot of discussion about the topic, and it emerged that there were two different interpretations of what I said, and they both hated me. Half thought I was advocating they/theming everyone, and hated me for refusing to gender binary people. Half thought I was advocating they/theming nobody, and hated me for insisting on gendering nonbinary people. Neither of those two positions is my position, and of course they’re mutually incompatible with each other.
But these two sides both hated me, and teamed up with each other without ever realising they had completely different ideas. Because, as you say, the fact I had a small disagreement or clarification of their views meant I had to be the enemy. Whereas those two sides had completely different views, but they didn’t voice their disagreements to each other, so they were able to assume they were on the same side. Have a nuanced position like mine, in questions of religion or gender or anything else, and both sides will team up to kick your ass.
Koala: I will adapt to a niche with no competition to secure a permanent* food source for my lineage!
*Permanence not guaranteed.
(along comes people)
And with people, Along Comes Mary.
Mary had a little lamb.
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The wind cries Mary
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Koalas are fucking horrible animals.
They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally – their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death.
This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life.
Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can’t afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan.
Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.
Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently…
Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they’re fucking terrible animals.
Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio… There’s a trend here).
When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn’t want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother’s anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on.
This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why?
Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn’t helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape.
Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain:
Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury… should they fall from a tree.
An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute.
If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
You (probably should) have just read The Koala Copypasta. I hope you enjoyed 😄
Lol, I did. I hadn’t realised that the slow little tree teddys were such a fucking mess of a creature.
Panda: I want to eat grass
I’m hungry man
