• shneancy@lemmy.world
        33·
        7 months ago

        i have a couple of ace friends into BDSM, i myself am somewhere on the ace spectrum. And i can tell you that BDSM can be enjoyed without sex or pain, power dynamics is where the best sauce is at

  • Agent641@lemmy.world
    427·
    7 months ago

    Her not wanting to frick doesnt mean she doesn’t want to se you getting fricked.

  • GrymEdm@lemmy.world
    252·
    7 months ago

    All my homies love their chastity cages. Sure you need to lean a little to piss out of them, but aside from that there’s nothing weird about it.

    • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
      6·
      7 months ago

      Sure you need to lean a little to piss out of them

      Fucking hell I hadn’t even thought of that. I wonder if they have that PFFFFTTTTPTTTTT noise some women have

  • inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world
    2218·
    7 months ago

    She still is? Being in to link has nothing to do with being ace. She may not have sexual desire or want sexual contact (which are VERY different things) is entirely seperate from the dynamics of a kink relationship.

    Anon probably isn’t being malicious, but is definitely uniformed.

    • Bangeo@aussie.zone
      161·
      7 months ago

      Claiming you are someone who doesnt feel sexual attraction and then asking someone to perform fetish activities is actually a very confusing thing for most people. He would be uninformed because its a very obscure situation to be in in the real world.

      • DillyDaily@lemmy.world
        73·
        7 months ago

        Yeah, as a kinky asexual myself, it seems like she hasn’t been very open in communicating her relationship to kink. Especially when your partner is allosexual, it’s so important to explain why you like to participate in kinky activities as an asexual and where your boundaries begin and end.

        For allosexual people, sex and kinks have a venn diagram that’s basically a circle, and failing to communicate the extent of your interest in kinks as an asexual is just setting the entire relationship up to fail because you’re inevitably going to have mismatching expectations from kink play unless you make sure you’re both on the same page before you start.

        His confusion is completely understandable, as is her identity as a kinky asexual. They just need to talk to each other.

        • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
          4·
          7 months ago

          Honestly not even. I’m in a power exchange relationship and yes I find my mistress attractive, but our dynamic is to a scene what marriage is to sex. Yes there’s an implication we do it and all four are connected to us, but also I’m not getting off on being told to get her coffee when I want to stay in bed.

      • inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world
        41·
        7 months ago

        Maybe she isn’t explaining very well or maybe he is not believing what she says. At any rate, there is definitely communication problems here that need to be worked out ASAP if this relationship has any hope.

        He would be uninformed because its a very obscure situation to be in in the real world.

        I’ll admit to being bias, but I have lots of ace friends. Granted I am already part of the queer community and I take your larger point that allo people would have trouble understanding this, but we are less obscure than you might think. There is a lot of shame and stigma around saying “I don’t want to have sex”, most people take it as an invitation to “fix you”.To speak nothing of the boundary trouble allo/ace relationships have. I don’t know you, but I’d bet hard cash money that someone in your life is shades of ace.

    • mriormro@lemmy.world
      448·
      7 months ago

      If you think romantic relationships are just sex+friendship then you’re probably shit at romantic relationships.

      • Asafum@feddit.nl
        23·
        7 months ago

        Why? I honestly don’t get it. I want my partner to be my best friend, but I don’t think about my other friends sexually even if I do love them like family.

        I don’t want kids so I don’t think about partners in that respect. I do want them to be my last relationship though.

        Edit: I’ll leave it, but I just continued to read the comments and found an answer I understand and agree with. I just never put enough thought into it I suppose.

    • Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works
      221·
      7 months ago

      I thought it means they reproduce asexually. So one day the GF will just randomly be pregnant with modern Jesus.

    • Tanis Nikana@lemmy.worldEnglish
      16·
      7 months ago

      I mean, I’m asexual and intensely sex-repulsed, and my wife is asexual too, and I am madly in love with her even after being married for eight years.

      It’s romance and friendship; she’s my best friend and wife. I’ll kiss her, hold her hand, rub her back and feet, buy snacks for her, loads of stuff I wouldn’t do with my friends.

      I mean, I bought a house with her. I wouldn’t do that with just anybody.