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There are 48 states that aren’t Florida or New York…
You’ll have to forgive them, they were educated in Florida.
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I thought it was New Zealand.
Wait, is New Zealand a state? I’m from Florida.
Wyoming is a myth, but I thought everyone got the memo we were shunning Missouri by pretending they don’t exist until 2030
You mean Lesser Colorado?
I don’t know. In my experience, it’s either affordable or nice. Not both.
The subjective definitions of “nice” and “affordable” could definitely cause you to have limited choices.
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I haven’t spent time in some states, but in my experience I’d say Minnesota is your best bet. Historically blue (mostly near the urban centers), weather is cold but near the Twin Cities is not too bad in the winter (relatively speaking, of course), and it’s reasonably priced (at least to someone who’s used to CA prices).
That, or Washington still has some bits that are both close to affordable and not shit holes.
I was in Minnesota in March. It was not pleasant weatherwise. It was also not in Minneapolis, so there was fuck all to do.
Yeah, spring is, by all accounts, the worst season for weather in MN. I married into an MN family or I would never have given it a second thought, but having spent some time there, it definitely can be a lot of fun (and Minneapolis has one of the most surprisingly good music scenes in the country, if you’re into live music). It’s a true big city, so whether you’re into sports, table-top games, gardening, comics, video games, food, beer, whatever, you can find truly top notch communities for everything, and the people are generally really nice.
Again, I have only lived there for a few months at a time and only around the Twin Cities and in bumfuck nowhere (Brainerd, where my partner’s family has their cabin), so my experience is limited. But it has been positive enough that when we get fed up with our jobs, we frequently start looking at property values and dream about selling our CA house and buying something outright with equity in MN.
I’ve heard great things about Duluth, especially if you’re into folk music, but it’s really cold as fuck. Rochester is just sort of a weird microcosm that’s kinda it’s own thing due to the Mayo Clinic, but I’ve spent some time there since my partner’s brother lives there. Personally, Rochester is my least favorite part of MN to spend time, but at least they vote blue.
Rochester was exactly where I was because I was at Mayo and wow did I hate it there. Almost nothing to do. You’d think they would at least have some stuff for the Mayo staff to entertain themselves with when they’re not working.
Haha, yeah, my BiL and his partner both work at Mayo, and they spend almost zero time in Rochester. They either drive to Minneapolis to do stuff and see his family or they drive to Madison, where his partner’s family lives, and do stuff there.
Frankly, I think they’re pretty over Rochester, too.
What constitutes affordable and what constitutes nice?
Let me put it this way… we were able to afford to buy a house back in 2017 by buying it in Terre Haute, Indiana.
Indiana. Do you call your wife mother?
Excuse me while I get all nice and comfortable in my Texas high seat.
I’m not bitter toward my ex-wife anymore except that time she made us move to Texas so we could afford a house. She’s gone, house is gone, dogs are dead, kid is grown and gone, I’m still here.
Pardner, what you got there is the next big country hit.
Unfortunately, I don’t own a pickup truck and don’t much drink whiskey anymore. My jeans aren’t even starched or pressed.
You’re just adding more verses
Assume I’ve never heard of Terra Haute before and that 30 seconds of Googling lead to very mixed answers
The fact he said Indiana tells you everything you need to know. It’s the capital of “affordable and… yeah that’s all”
You could be in Gary, the houses there are under $10k and you only have a mild risk of being shot.
Yeah but it also smells like Gary, Indiana.
Trust me, Terre Haute is worse than Gary.
At least you have the professors from Rose Hulman to hang out with. And some pretty old strippers, if my brother’s college stories are true.
They’re all on the east side of town near Rose and we’re on the south side, so unfortunately I don’t get to hang out with them.
Wouldn’t know about the strippers. I’m not even sure where any strip clubs are. I assume there are at least one or two.
Dinosaur birds, eh? Maybe Sandhill Cranes – those things are awesome and so cool in person.
Gators have learned well: don’t fuck with the evolved dinosaurs.
- Shrikes impale their prey on metal fence posts.
- Harpy eagles can crush a human skull like a water balloon.
- Crows communicate and coordinate harassment campaigns against people that have slighted them.
- Vultures can eat rotting meat and be totally fine.
- The secretary bird will stomp things to death.
Harpy eagles can crush a human skull like a water balloon.
Has this ever happened?
Harpy eagle grip: 530 PSI
Human skull: Up to 520 pounds of pressureThat doesn’t seem like much of a difference, but remember that the force is going to be concentrated at four very pointy talons.
Has this ever happened?
Luckily, no.
Yeah I have no doubt they are strong enough, many animals are. I was just wondering if that stat had a story behind it! Thanks.
Pretty sure it was the posse of Canada gooses it was rolling with that scared the gator
They are also nasty dinosaurs. We have those up north.
Technically, all birds are dinosaurs
People who eat those things call them rib eye of the sky.
Wait, what’s wrong with drinking beer shirtless outdoors, in your own yard?
Do you want to look at this guy while you’re mowing your lawn?
I bet that guy has the most awesome barbecues.
Always trust a fat guy to have good food
"CAESAR: Let me have men about me that are fat,
Sleek-headed men and such as sleep a-nights.
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look,
He thinks too much; such men are dangerous."
-William Shakespeare, “Julius Caesar” Act 1 Scene 2
I aspire to it.
He’s wearing a shirt though
What’s left of it
Mowing your lawn is way more disruptive. I’d much prefer this guy to someone who mows their lawn constantly, especially if that person is complaining about me drinking beer on my lawn.
The guy drinking beer also mows his lawn. With a riding mower. Despite it being about a sixteenth of an acre.
So, having grown up in exurban (my old haunts are now firmly suburban) Jacksonville…
Alligator in the water behind the house?
Not mine, but the folks actually on the lake instead of the river? Sure. I saw a few. My parents did always warn me not to go into the EPA drainage easement behind the house, too. I only had to stop my car to let a gator pass one time, and that was pretty far out into the sticks.
Dinosaur bird in the front yard?
Egrets, maybe, especially after a rain. Plenty of turkey buzzards too, when there was roadkill. Really, though, all birds are dinosaurs.
Shirtless outdoor beer drinker?
Ran into this more that summer in college when we lived in my buddy’s 500 sqft concrete block “lake house”, but it probably happened at home too. After we moved the 30 minutes back to Gainesville for fall semester, I understand his dad got drunk one night and crashed his bass boat into one of the neighbors’ dock, so he came over the next day with a 12-pack and a van full of lumber.
Gun-toting motorist?
How else to you propose he get the gun into the car? Sheesh. This was more necessary than unusual.
Spiky thing?
Now, you need thin flip flops and a big sand spur, but sure. Happened to me at least once. Also need to watch out for young prickly-pears cactus that are still small but have sprouted their thorns.
Little itchy bugs.
You’ll have to be more specific. Fire ants would be the most likely. Most I ever got at once was about thirty when I stepped right in a pile while helping my dad, illegally it turns out, dump fill dirt on the aforementioned drainage easement. They may also have meant chiggers or redbugs. They’re most common in the Spanish moss, but they’re around everywhere, and if you get into the larvae they can also give you a bunch of red rashy-looking bites.
Hurricane parties
NE Florida was in a long hurricane lull during my time living there, but this was a pretty known thing everywhere else, and sitting out to watch the lightning was pretty common. That part of Florida also gets tornadoes.
There is one big reason I will never live in Florida beyond everything. Even Ron DeSantis.
That reason is palmetto bugs.
Giant flying cockroaches? Why the fuck does anyone live where they exist?
Well, they are easier to spot and less likely to do a full on home infestation than German cockroaches, so there’s that. They are pretty nasty though, especially their guts.
Please also consider the deer fly. 1/3 the size of horseflies, and maybe only half as painful, but ten times more aggressive. Certainly there’s also no reason to overlook the mosquito game in a swamp state. There’s the usual North American black widows and brown recluses, and while generally harmless, there is something deeply primeval about walking into a three-foot-wide spiral web with a 5-inch leg-span orb weaver in the middle of it.
Vertebrate-wise, there are the aforementioned alligators, and way down south a saltwater croc occasionally turns up; then there are the alligator snapping turtles around as well. The Florida panther is endangered to the point of near extinction, but it does exist. There are also black bears and coyotes. The Eastern diamondbacks and water moccasins are to be avoided, and remember your rhymes to tell the coral snakes from the king snakes. The pythons and monkeys are invasive species and limited in range, but always be ready if in the woods or the swamp. Oh, right, I was more of a freshwater Floridian, but there are also the sharks and barracudas.
Beyond hungry fish, the ocean also has jellyfish, red tide, and rip currents, and of course that’s where the hurricanes come from, LOL.
More seriously, while little of this has an impact on everyday life, growing up in a climate and environment like that does affect your outlook on what’s dangerous and what’s tolerable. I’m a pretty typical nerd type, but my wife still gets “Florida man” triggered every once in a while by behavior or attitudes that feel completely normal to me.
While the orb weavers and Argiope spiders are certainly a shock, it’s really the Brown Huntsman spiders (American version of the classic Clock Spider) that can instill that fight or flight response when they run at’chya. I love spiders to death and always enjoy saving them from my house, but the first time I saw one of those guys in my apartment, my legs absolutely turned to jello.
I’d almost forgotten about nosleep
LOL. Scarier when they’re all lumped into one comment, I reckon. Mostly it’s the fire ants and DeSantis voters you have to worry about.
there is something deeply primeval about walking into a three-foot-wide spiral web with a 5-inch leg-span orb weaver in the middle of it.
We have invasive Joro spiders in my neck of Appalachia; it is deeply unpleasant to walk through one of their webs, and they like to span them right across hiking trails. When the light is just right, you can see thousands of their webs spanning telephone wires.
The kudzu of spiders.
Dude, chiggers are the worst. Those bites can itch for a couple weeks.
I’d get them right on the sock-line. Annoying little shits.
Oh, and I completely forgot! There was that one time I rode my bike through a puddle, and one of the specks of mud wouldn’t wipe off… BECAUSE IT WAS A MOTHERFUCKING LEECH.
Eesh, it sounds like the Australia of the US.
Best I can tell, it’s less lethal but on the same spectrum, LOL.
Australia plus more poverty, terror, firearms. But yes, nice in February.
The worst we get here is that one lightly poisonous snake on the southern side of the Alps…
The origin story of a halfback.
These little bugs bit me
Can you clarify, were those fire-ants? Mosquitos? Yellowflies (AKA deerflies)? Gnats small enough to go through window screens (AKA “flying teeth”)? There’s lot of bitey bugs in FL.
Fucking sounds awesome honestly
