• Nate Cox@programming.dev
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    28 days ago

    Sometimes I need to see the twitter feeds of people like this, as a reminder of exactly what women mean when they talk about men being scum.

    Sometimes it hurts to be generalized into a category I don’t feel I belong to and it’s tempting to push back, but knowing that people are out there spending what appears to be all of their free time being horrible online and harassing women is a good reminder that women are pretty justified in having a low opinion of men in general.

    Now I can go back to pretending twitter doesn’t exist for a while again.

    • undergroundoverground@lemmy.world
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      28 days ago

      The easiest way to see if it’s OK is to swap out “men” with any other protected characteristic. If, having done that it suddenly becomes problematic, it was always so and they should’ve known better.

      I think youre right not to engage them though. For all their talk of equality, anyone who talks like that just wants to be at the top of a new hierarchy. Remove or subjugate the men and most women (who haven’t decolonisated their minds) will just replicate the same power structures, adopting the position of patriarch without a hint of self awareness. The way forward is to help other men see the pain caused to them by the patriarchy, as its only then that we can see the pain we cause through the patriarchy, due to the rituals of disregard and empathy killing we go through as boys.

      I’ll finish by saying the same thing I said to my dad, shortly after he lost his job" "yes dad, of course I’ve heard of the phrase ‘sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.’ However, you can’t always do that, especially when you’re meant to be firefighter, you doughnut.

      • erin (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        28 days ago

        You should reference my other comment in this thread. You’re correct that statements like “all men are trash” are unjustly prejudiced, but you’re making a false equivalence.

        • undergroundoverground@lemmy.world
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          28 days ago

          My point is that is that both are wrong, not that they are or are not both equally wrong. So, would you mind explaining where the equivalence is please?

          I mean, I know its more of a case that some people don’t like that both of those things are wrong to do but I’m gonna need a little more than that and a misunderstanding of an informal fallacy, sorry.

          • erin (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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            28 days ago

            In your comment, whether intended or not. It’s not a long comment. By “whatabouting” the idea of replacing men with any marginalized group, you are making a false equivalence via equivocation. By leaving out the crucial aspect of power imbalance, you minimize its role by implication. See: all lives matter in response to BLM.

              • erin (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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                28 days ago

                You should read my longest comment within this larger thread. Truly read the whole thing, and its child comments, before forming your opinion. I clearly and explicitly state

                I am not suggesting that it’s okay to make men feel responsible for the actions of people that share only a gender with them, nothing else.

                and that doing so is unjust. Nuance isn’t the same thing as taking an opposing stance. I even go into the fact that women making such blanket statements likely do not hate all men. If you feel the same way after reading my full comment and understanding it, I’m happy to have a discussion about it, but by the context of your comment, I don’t believe you understand my stance, and therefore I don’t want to engage with it further.

            • undergroundoverground@lemmy.world
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              28 days ago

              Again, you don’t understand what a false equivalence fallacy is. So, you should really stop attempting to use it because doing so is make you look like a fool.

              Whatabouting and false equivalences aren’t the same thing. I feel like I’m witnessing the death of irony here.

              No, something wrong is still wrong, even if you feel bad about historical injustices. The power imbalance does not change this and also ignores every other intersection a white person could have.

              You even drew a false equivalence the BLM which is the only actual false equivalence on this chain.

              See the wiki pages of the fallacies you clearly don’t understand.

              God damn bougouise feminists.

              • erin (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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                28 days ago

                God forbid a rhetorical argument fall into multiple categories. I never said whataboutism and false equivalences are the same thing. You happened to do both. Equivocation has nothing to do with setting two things as equal, it’s the use of ambiguous language to avoid the bigger picture of an issue or to avoid committing to a stance. It is another form of logical fallacy. Via equivocation (omission and vague language) you omitted key facts (social power imbalance) that makes bringing up a connected, but not equivalent, issue (replacing men are trash with any other group, which is a form of whataboutism) a false equivalence.

                You can say I don’t know what I’m talking about. That doesn’t make it true. Your equivocation of your whataboutism argument led to forming a false equivalence.

                All lives matter in response to BLM is both whataboutism and a false equivalence. Just because someone didn’t say “what about” or "these things are equal doesn’t make those facts untrue. There is an implied “what about all those other lives, don’t they matter?” which in itself implies that the societal inequalities BLM rose in response to are equal to the pressures felt but the rest of “all lives.”

                God damn bougouise feminists.

                Lol

                • Nate Cox@programming.dev
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                  28 days ago

                  It’s always amusing to me to watch someone like the person you’re responding to try to browbeat an argument into submission by referencing pedantic technicalities and yet be so fundamentally wrong about what those technicalities actually mean.

                  Although on the topic of being pedantic, I kinda miss when whataboutism was called tu quoque. Really made the logical fallacy guys at least sound eloquent.

                  • erin (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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                    28 days ago

                    If one is to engage in pedantry, it can’t hurt to at least be correct. Calling me a “bougouise feminist” was hysterical though.

                • undergroundoverground@lemmy.world
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                  23 days ago

                  Its not whataboutism. Its trying to help you see something youre clearly missing. Its applying the same logic somewhere else, to see if it still works. Its literally how you explain fallacies.

                  Its not an all lives matter response either. Instead its you attempting to reject intersectionality, in the name of feminism, without a hint of irony or self awareness. Luckily for you, no one else seems to have read theory post the 1980s either.

                  “Men are trash” being acceptable for all women implies that every man ever has always suffered less power imbalances than every woman ever. For example, it would mean that black male slaves in the 1800s would have to of suffered less at the hand of power imbalances than Queens of the United Kingdom, for your “power imbalance makes sexism ok” argument to hold any weight. Its just a safespace for sexism, provided it’s only directed one way.

                  Lol no, intersectionality isn’t a false equivalence, as you’re attempting to paint. It’s the rejection of upper class white women, for whom all the men in their lives were all powerful, declaring that all men are always in a higher position of power than all women because that’s the only thing they ever saw (bougouise feminism).

                  Turns out, for all their talk of equality, people like yourself just want to be at the top of a new hierarchy, exacting revenge.

                  You literally tried to refute intersectionality with “thats like saying all lives matter.”

      • Nate Cox@programming.dev
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        28 days ago

        The easiest way to see if it’s OK is to swap out “men” with any other protected characteristic. If, having done that it suddenly becomes problematic, it was always so and they should’ve known better.

        No. You are making an equivalence argument that misses the reality of power dynamics and the context of like centuries of documented social oppression.

        Edit: Fuck I didn’t see erin beat me to it.

        • undergroundoverground@lemmy.world
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          28 days ago

          No, it’s not an equivalence argument. I didn’t say they were equally wrong or the same thing. Also, nether power dynamics nor oppression make those things right.

          You’re telling me that you see no problem with black people saying the same about all white people then?

          • Nate Cox@programming.dev
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            28 days ago

            Yes, I see no problem with black people saying the same about white people; because white people have a manufactured generational power gap supporting them which is designed around keeping black people poor, underrepresented, and under served in their communities.

            Much the same way as how men have manufactured a generational power gap supporting them which is designed around keeping women underrepresented.

            Just because it sucks for me personally doesn’t mean it’s an invalid sentiment.

            • undergroundoverground@lemmy.world
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              28 days ago

              But I didn’t manufacture that and neither did you. It also, intentionally, ignores every single other intersection a white person could have.

              Don’t worry, the sentiment invalidates itself. That kind of backwards bougouise feminism died in the 80s and should’ve stayed that way.

              • Nate Cox@programming.dev
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                28 days ago

                If you’re a white male, and I think I can safely assume that you are from your comments in this thread, you are the direct beneficiary of a system that has propped you up over literally everyone else. Understanding that system, and your role in it, is critical to trying to finally tear it down to make room for a fair and equitable one.

                I didn’t manufacture the system, but I acknowledge it and all I can do now is continue to undermine it by pointing it out constantly.

                • BluesF@lemmy.world
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                  28 days ago

                  It’s absolutely right to criticise the system that provides dividends for white people; for men; for straight, cis, able, neurotypical, tall, pretty people; and so on and so on… But even though I don’t fit into all those boxes, I don’t think that gives me the right to attack people that do.

                  • Nate Cox@programming.dev
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                    28 days ago

                    The only person in this entire topic who could remotely be conceived as being attacked is the original poster of that twitter comment… who, if you look at his actual post history, absolutely deserves to be mocked for it.

        • Cadenza@lemmy.world
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          28 days ago

          Thank you.

          All landlords are parasites. All women are parasites.

          One is rather true, in a metaphorical way. The other is a sexist, misogynistic slur.

          I’m never quite convinced by this equivalence argument.

          • Nate Cox@programming.dev
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            27 days ago

            Those statements are very much equivalent in this context, the confusion you have is rooted in a false conclusion. You assert one statement is true, and the other is false. The reality is that both statements are false.

            If you have a history of dealing with shitty landlords you may draw a conclusion that every landlord must be shitty. That is objectively false—there are many many landlords from all backgrounds and cultures who will behave differently from each other in virtually every way—but it’s an understandable emotional reaction to your personal experiences.

            If you have a history of dealing with shitty women you may draw a conclusion that every woman must be shitty. That is objectively false—there are many many women from all backgrounds and cultures who will behave differently from each other in virtually every way—but it’s an understandable emotional reaction to your personal experiences.

            Calling all women parasites is indeed sexist bullshit, but calling all landlords parasites isn’t fundamentally better. Generalizing people trends towards nonsense in most cases.

            • Cadenza@lemmy.world
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              27 days ago

              Three objections :

              1. I like my current landlord, he’s my friend and we live together. When I say Landlords are parasites, I’m just saying something that, according to me, is a relatively descriptive statement. From a functional point of view, they could very well be described as functioning like parasites do.

              2. But that’s not all. Generalization may have different semantic meanings. That’s something political movements have elaborated a lot in the last 60 years. If you read about ACAB, you’ll see quite soon that it’s nowhere near a judgment of all individuals.

              3. But the most important argument follows. I’ll gladly say landlords are parasites or ACAB. There are many other variants I’ll never say. One could say it’s arbitrary but it’s far from it, imo. Generalizing on people who are subjects of systematic violence is furthering said violence. Generalizing about powerful interest who are in position to use individualisation and scapegoating of one or their members to ensure the continuation of their power cannot, and it’s not an ideological point, it’s a matter of social science for me, be said to be identical.

              I recommend reading Howard Becker’s Whose side are we one, a different, but close and related, demonstration.

        • LwL@lemmy.world
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          26 days ago

          No, really that doesn’t make it ok. You’re generalizing half the population. It’s not my fault that other people are and have been trash, it’s not my fault that I was born male, and it sure feels great to be generalized with the assholes when I wish every night to just magically wake up with a cis woman’s body (for various reasons am not transitioning and run around as male presenting).

    • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
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      27 days ago

      You can’t justify racism or sexism in any direction without indirectly justifying it in the other direction.

      Blaming an entire group for the acts of a subset of that group removes the disincentive to become a part of the subset and adds a disincentive to support those who want to fight the injustice that gets reduced to another racial or gender conflict.

      I think it’s no wonder that many gen z males have decided to reject the mindset that demonizes white men in general, even though that mindset is often quick to add, “there’s some good ones!”

      And the whole justification of “they have more power” means dick all to individuals that fall in the group that feel powerless in their life. Plus there’s that little voice wondering if the racism will fade if the power balance does shift or if it will be the same thing but with oppression going in the other direction.

      • Nate Cox@programming.dev
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        27 days ago

        Your argument sounds suspiciously like someone looking to justify shitty behavior.

        “You can’t acknowledge an extremely well documented culture of hate because that’s reverse sexism/racism”

        “You can’t say men are bad because some men are good and if you don’t give them special attention for being good they might start being bad.”

        “Some men have it hard too so power imbalance doesn’t exist and you can’t use it to explain why some women are mistrustful of men in general”.

        “We need to leave the status quo because if we don’t maybe the others will get control and then they’ll treat us like we treat them now”

        All of the above are shitty arguments.

        • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
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          27 days ago

          And you sound suspiciously like you don’t want anything to get better and want to see increased racial and gender tensions by rebutting with a series of strawman arguments of the worst ways you could interpret anything I was saying.

          • Nate Cox@programming.dev
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            27 days ago

            I very much want things to get better, I suspect we just have different ideological definitions of “better”.

            My version of better is a world where women don’t have to worry about every interaction that they are going to have with men, where they feel safe and secure and no woman ever gets trod upon so often that they feel compelled to lash out. We do this by lifting people up and empathizing with their frustrations, and calling out shitty behavior where we see it.

            It sounds like your version of better is where we pretend that everything is ok and carry on like normal, condemning those who make any attempt to empathize as agitators.

            Feel free to cite where I have strawman’d you, because I’m only inferring from what you have presented.

            • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
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              26 days ago

              We want largely the same outcome, though I don’t believe that the ones doing the shitty behaviour largely care about what others think about what they want to do and require responses more severe than being called out. Like even castration for repeat or more blatant offenders, and if they lash out even more in response to that, execution because they are a lost cause.

              I want my daughter to never have to go through the same shit her mother did and so many others.

              I also don’t want her growing up in a society where bitter men support laws that make it easier for abusers to control women either and get away with rape on top of it.

              The fact that pieces of shit like Andrew Tate have large followings tells me that something about how we’re doing things is wrong. If it wasn’t, then things would be improving. Instead gen Z, which was looking so open minded and promising just a few years ago, is getting bitter and has a divide where a much larger portion of men support(ed) Trump than women.

              I don’t know what the solution is, but I don’t think it’s blaming a larger group because it’s difficult to tell which members of that group are the ones causing the problems. Maybe a part of it would be to improve the tools through which proof can be established, like a mechanism for proof of consent or something like that, to reduce the he said/she said aspect that create doubt abusers can use to escape consequences.

    • nesc@lemmy.cafe
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      28 days ago

      Have you tried not to hate yourself? WTF are you even on, there is a high chance that it’s a joke, and even if it isn’t why would “men” be scum here instead of individual?

      • Nate Cox@programming.dev
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        28 days ago

        I don’t hate myself.

        I hate that enough men out there are such amazing assholes that it has created a generational issue which understandably has led to the assumption that as a man I’m probably an asshole too.

        I hate that women understandably see me in public and make assumptions about my risk factor to them because victimizing women is way too common place.

        Me, however, I’m pretty ok with.

        • nesc@lemmy.cafe
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          28 days ago

          Unless you are an asshole, why would you say that you are asshole, if you aren’t sure you can ask. Statements like ‘I don’t hate myself, but actually I think that I’m an asshole because someone else is’ are somewhat conflicting.

            • nesc@lemmy.cafe
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              28 days ago

              as a man I’m probably an asshole too

              Are you going to try to weasel out of your own words by saing that probably here means that you aren’t actually an asshole and you don’t believe you are?

              • Nate Cox@programming.dev
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                28 days ago

                Cherry picking out parts to remove context is a pretty lame way to “win” an argument bro.

                Here’s that segment which doesn’t intentionally remove relevant context:

                … which understandably has led to the assumption that as a man I’m probably an asshole too.

                Which is—fairly clearly—saying that I understand why others might make an assumption about me.

                • nesc@lemmy.cafe
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                  28 days ago

                  So you assume that other people think that you are an asshole doesn’t actually mean that you think that you are an asshole? It isn’t cherry-picking when discussion started with you generalizing about “men” being not_good by default. There is little that is understandable about such a position, have you tried not to have negative assumptions about yourself and other people that you don’t know?

                  • Nate Cox@programming.dev
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                    28 days ago

                    I really think you should go read the comment feed from the original twitter post. Don’t pretend to do it, actually go read it. Then read the rest of his posts. Then read the comments from many, many other men on his posts.

                    Then come back and tell me you genuinely do not understand the complaints being made about men.

                    If you read all that and still just can’t understand why so many women don’t trust men and generalize about them, well, I don’t think there’s any point in continuing this thread anyways.

              • DaPorkchop_@lemmy.ml
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                28 days ago

                You’ve cherry-picked that out of context, they were clearly trying to say “other people assume that all men are probably assholes, therefore they assume that that I’m probably an asshole”

      • surewhynotlem@lemmy.world
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        28 days ago

        He clearly doesn’t hate himself. Stop trying to us vs them.

        “Men” are harmful in the same way that you don’t put your hand on an electric stove. You assume it’s going to hurt you until you find out otherwise.

        • LwL@lemmy.world
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          28 days ago

          Sorry but if you don’t see how that comparison is beyond not ok somethings wrong here. Which isn’t to say you can’t feel like that bc that’s just the natural result of bad experiences.

          Easily half the turkish immigrants I’ve interacted with were people begging or threatening me on the street, that doesn’t mean I assume turkish immigrants are assholes. Because I know it’s both selection bias (most normal ppl just mind their business and don’t randomly talk to you, immigrants are poorer on avg so there are more homeless immigrants). And even if 95% were pieces of shit I’d still at most be more careful, but not somehow try to include all the ones that aren’t a problem in the group that I’m complaining about.

        • nesc@lemmy.cafe
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          28 days ago

          No, “men” aren’t harmful any more than “women” are, unless you are completely delusional. People don’t assume that random “men” are going to hurt them unless they have serious problems, or living in the active war zone. This over-dramatization doesn’t help anyone and isolates you from absolute majority if you really think that way. You can isolate yourself, just don’t act like it’s normal in any way.