“That’s rough buddy.”
“Cool story bro, did I ever tell you about that time I took an arrow to the knee?..”
“You know as someone who grew up with no food and a dirt floor I can relate. Growing up my mother died and I was often beaten by my father.”
Relateable, I once had a blanket that didn’t totally cover me. Toes or shoulder coverage only. We are truly brothers in suffering
“What can I do to help?”
“Be careful how you treat people when you’re on top, they’re the ones you need to catch you if you fall”
“Stop trauma dumping on me, do I look like a licensed therapist?”
Conversely:
And how did that make you feel?
“I can’t say I would’ve known what to do, had I been in your position.”
“I can only imagine what that must have been like for you, which understandably likely isn’t of much consolation to you.”
“It would be disingenuous of me to presume to know what it was like for you to have experienced what you endured, but I am happy to listen to what you have to say, if you wish to tell me.”
“Cool story, bro”
The most sarcastic, yet relatable response to any conversation not involving you (or me).
“Its not that bad stop being a pussy” Works 30% of the time everytime.
Pussies are pretty tough though. Balls on the other hand … too warm, too cold, don’t touch me, you’ll hurt me. :)
That sucks.
That’s the answers for the attention hogs
I can’t tell whether this is supposed to be advice on what to do or not. I can certainly see people getting upset at all of them for putting your feelings and perspective at the forefront however.
4: “I can help you hide the body if you want.”
And then what happened?
That must be really hard for you.
Wow. You don’t deserve that.
How do you feel about it now?
Ugh. That sounds awful.
You’re handling this better than I would.
How do you even respond to that?
Tell me about it.
What can I do to help?
You’ve got this, but I’m here.Edit: I wrote the above to illustrate how many options there are in the parlance of active listening. The formula is simple: imagine how they feel and join their side or, if you can’t yet imagine, ask questions until you can. That’s it.
Look at mister “I leave the basement twice a week” over here
In the land of the
blindawkward theone eyedI dunno less awkward I guess man is king
Thanks, man. I needed that.
Awesome list! Much better than a list I would make 🙂
I would just change slightly the “What can I do to help?” (That is a call for a “nothing”) to “How can I help?” (That shows much more enthusiasm in wanting to help)
Hey thanks! I like that phrasing better. Less perfunctory, more sincere.
Legend
Tell a related story is best choice because it shows that you really feel what that person is coming through since you’ve came through similar situation yourself
that’s what neurodivergent people do to show sympathy - very often unknowingly. folks sometimes think we do that to get the attention for ourselves, but it’s just a long winded way of saying “i understand what you feel, you’re not alone in your pain”
I learned this a few years ago and my mind was blown because I’m autistic and this is indeed my instinct. I have also found that neurodivergent people are more likely to respond positively to an anecdote.
Neurotypical people tend to react better to “reflective listening” — basically the “it sucks” button, but more expanded. Like if someone is venting about something, I might say “That sounds really frustrating”, or similar. It feels like playing conversational ping pong where I’m not an active participant in the rally, but just reacting to my conversation partner’s shots.
I don’t tend to find reflective listening especially helpful if I’m the recipient of it (I cope with problems differently), so it blew my mind when I was trying to support a friend with these techniques and they ended the conversation by thanking me for the support, and they really needed that. It baffled me because I hadn’t felt like I’d said anything really at all, besides just reflecting stuff back at them, which felt sort of like small talk but even more superficial. But nah, turns out that different people find different kinds of support helpful. The_More_You_Know.jpg
But then you are making this about yourself. Stealing the show. Reaping all the sympathy.
So you say the initial cry’s a show?
When is only you and your friend in evening near the grill, then i don’t know which sympathy i stole, i mean men truly open up very rarely and often in very small circle or even only to one person, so you have to show some compassion in these moments
“Frankly, you brought this all on yourself” usually resolves it quickly, in my experience.
Ah drawing aggro like a true tank.
Hello, we’d like to offer you a position as police chief in a neighborhood that will statistically have a school shooting soon.
That sucks.
Lol that’s basically a therapist, minus the second option.
You might need to try a different therapist.
